Gotham Times, December 8
LIFESTYLES
Hermoine’s
Society Chit-Chat
Only one party into the season, it’s far too early to
declare a Deb of the Year. Nevertheless, Miss Cecily Grenville certainly
distinguished herself last night, exhibiting poise under pressure that is the
hallmark of true character.
The Snowflake Ball was the scene of an attack by
Mr. Freeze [see Local News, p.2]. When costumed vigilantes arrived on the
scene, Miss Grenville was taken hostage, and although the dastardly villain was
apprehended, Miss Grenville was left with her foot frozen in a block of ice.
Rather than leave in hysterics, Miss Grenville comported herself as a true lady,
remaining at her table with her foot soaking in a tub of defrost solution,
chatting with her escort, Mr. Timothy Drake…
::Twitterbringgggg::
“Hello? Yes,
Dick, I saw the bit in the paper. You’re the fourth person to call and
ask… No, I’m not in deep shit with Steph. We’re not exclusive. We
never said we were exclusive… She patrols with Robin, that’s all.
That’s as far as it goes… What do you mean ‘I’ll Learn.’ Bro, I’m
telling you, it’s not a big deal…”
Gotham Times, December 8
CLASSIFIEDS
Lost: At or in the vicinity of Beaton’s Tearoom, a shopping bag
containing four small gift-wrapped parcels and a bound manuscript.
Owner does not care about parcels. Reward for return of manuscript.
::Twitterbringgggg::
“Wayne Manor…
Yes, Madame, the manuscript is a work of fiction… That is most reassuring.
Thank you very much. For confirmation purposes, could you read me
the title page, please?… Yes, indeed, that’s it… Yes, a-hem, it is a play…
Yes, indeed, I am the playwright… I am most flattered, Madame, but there are no
plans for production in the foreseeable future. I only wish the manuscript
returned… Yes, please address it to Pennyworth, P-E-N-N-Y…”
Gotham Times, December 8
LOCAL NEWS
The audience, assuming this was part of the show, applauded and
cheered as the felon ran offstage and escaped via the stage door.
Minutes
later, the plucky Zatanna returned to the stage from the back of the auditorium
and finished the performance.
Audience members say they only realized
what had occurred when they left the theatre to discover police tape and
flashing lights in the parking lot.
::Twitterbringgggg::
“Hey Selina, it’s
Eddie. Thought you’d want to know, Bats has come up with a new kind of
Batcuff, damn thing took me twenty minutes to get out of last night. Good
thing I got away and had plenty of time to work on it. I figured since you
always worked out how to quick-pick all the previous versions, you’ll want to
take this new one apart. You’ve got to see this thing, it’s really hard to
open!… Anyway, you’re now officially the only woman left I will keep in touch
with - and that’s only because you’re dating Wayne and can’t get any ideas.
Would you believe HARLEY called me after that bit in the paper? Said she
was real concerned about ‘this thing’ with me and Zatanna, that I was on the
rebound from Ivy and shouldn’t do anything rash! Can you believe that!!!
ME on the REBOUND from IVY??? I dumped her! If you can call it
dumping when it was just a one-night stand and a green one at that… and what
‘thing with me and Zatanna,’ huh? It was a robbery, not a thing. A
robbery is not a thing! Do we all have to pair up like animals in
the ark now? Can’t anybody just put on a mask and commit a freaking crime
anymore?… This is all your fault, Selina, you and you-know-who, because
people in this town used to be able to tell the difference between a crime and
::Twitterbringgggg::
“’Allo. Diz
is Kittlemeier.… Yez, Mr. B. I been expecting your calls.
A new zet of ze batcuffz, yez, I zee dat in ze papers… A replazement cape too?
Oh my, izzat ze black cloth dat wind up on ze ztage? … Oh my.
Ok. Zo batcuffz, and cape. You pay when you pick up, usual time…”
::Twitterbringgggg::
“Don’t hang up!
Okay, I broke a rule. I take it back. ‘There is not now nor has
there ever been anything between Catwoman and Batman, and anybody who says
otherwise in the feline presence will be like unto the ball of yarn.’ OK?
I’ve done penance. Give me a break, Selina, it was a helluva night. And
the very thought of Miss Top Hat and Fishnets as a prospective romance… Do
you know what she did to me? ‘Tca eht ni thguac,’ how do you like that!
I make up anagrams in my sleep, Selina, you think I didn’t recognize that as
‘caught in the act?’ And then I’m up on the stage—which, okay, it worked out for
me, ‘cause I had a little oops with Batman in the box office, and winding up on
stage made for an easy getaway, but c’mon, CAUGHT IN THE ACT! It’s a
freakin
Gotham Times, December 8
PERSONALS
Successful Gotham entrepreneur with thriving nightclub seeks vivacious
female companion. Birdwatching a plus.
Gotham Times, December 8
ABOUT TOWN
::Twitterbringgggg::
“Morning, Lucius.
It’s Bruce. I’m juggling the seating at the benefit, need to free up a
chair at my table… A friend of Selina’s, he’s very interested in the Houdini
Tome, so I thought it would be only polite to, you know, keep a close eye on
him, I mean, seat him where he can have a good look at it. Is it okay if I
move Leslie Thompkins to your table?… Good then. Thanks, Lucius.”
::Twitterbringgggg::
“Hello, Edward.
This is Bruce Wayne. I thought I remembered you saying something about
that Houdily Book you were interested in… That’s what I said, isn’t it? Houdily…
Oh, right, Houdini, yes, of course. Anyway, this Houdini doohickey.
It turns out it’s actually a Wayne Foundation event that’s holding this sale…
Hm? Oh, I can never keep track of that. I have someone who manages
the schedule. Anyway, the Foundation has three tables, so I made sure
you’ll be seated with me and Selina… Good, good. Well then, see you
there.”
::Twitterbringgggg::
“It’s me, Kitten.
Secure the line… Are we still on for dinner?
Gotham Times, December 8
VICTORIA’S SECRET CIRCULAR
Ho Ho Ho
Make his Ho-Ho-Holidays Merry with our stunning collection of
intimate apparel in reds as red as holly, and blacks as black as coal left in
bad little girl’s stockings.
::Twitterbringgggg::
“Ha-Ha-Hiya, I mean, eh, hello. This is Dr. Harleen
Quinzel, I would like to speak to one of your patients, a Ms. Pamela Isley…
Ha-Ha-Hiya, Red! I was just thinkin’, since you’re up at Arkham and
Puddin’ is up at Arkham, could you maybe talk to him and see what he might like
for Christmas?… But Red!… Red, I don’t know what to get him!… Well there’s
this ad in the paper, but I don’t think he’d like prancing around in red silk
lingerie… Red? You still there? There was hacking sound… Well,
if you won’t help me, I’ll have ta fall back on a theme gift, there are these
Punch ‘n’ Judy puppets… Red? Red? What’s so funny?
To be continued...