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Chapter 9

Thursday

There he is again. One or two visits, I probably wouldn’t even think twice about, but the fifth visit in as many days is enough cause a slight concern. However, Talia Head is now the acting CEO of LexCorp, so seeing an emissary of Ra’s al Ghul in Metropolis -- specifically going into the LexCorp offices every day just before noon -- isn’t all that suspicious. Besides, if it weren’t for the fact that I've been keeping an eye on LexCorp since Lex moved into the White House, I probably wouldn’t have even noticed.

And of course, with Luthor being particularly paranoid about me, all of the walls in the LexCorp towers have lead panels in them, preventing me from seeing what this strange emissary is actually doing inside. The visits appear to be fairly innocent; nothing to be too alarmed over. He goes in with a parcel and comes out a few minutes later. Recently, he’s come out with a female employee of LexCorp, but that appears to be more… social. Still, a simple phone call to Bruce might be in order…

Except… well… it’s Hell Month. Not that that should keep me from calling, but I know he’s exceptionally busy right now and I don’t want to bother him with something that could very well be nothing. I suppose I could follow this messenger, find out where he goes once he leaves here, but with half the criminal population in Gotham vacating for "safer pastures", I've been up to my ears in work around Metropolis. I’ll keep an eye on it, and if anything happens, I’ll have info for Bruce or the League as necessary.

Besides, it’s Hell Month. Ra’s isn’t stupid enough to try anything during Hell Month.

Is he?

Arthur strolled into his private study and reached to turn on the beeping Comm unit. He froze. The last time he’d answered the damnable thing, it had been Diana with her little "Holiday Missive", which led to the inevitable confrontation at the Watchtower and…

He shook the memory from his mind and hit the switch, the screen flickering on to reveal a familiar, if somewhat out of place, face.

"Hey, Dad!" Garth said, smiling widely on the screen.

"Hi," Arthur replied, grinning before adding "J'onn."

Garth’s face instantly morphed back into J'onn’s now disappointed one. "Damn! You caught that one quickly."

"Well," Arthur explained, "first of all, Garth never calls me 'Dad'. Secondly, Garth would never call me on a JLA Comm channel."

"And third?" J'onn prompted, knowing from his compatriot’s expression that there was more to his quick unveiling of the charade.

"Third," Arthur admitted, chuckling, "Garth is standing right outside my door as we speak."

"Ah well, another good impression ruined by Fate." J'onn joked. "I’m actually just calling you to tell you that the meeting tomorrow has been pushed back an hour."

"Pushed back?" Arthur replied, his mind quickly scrolling through the scheduler in his head and making adjustments for the new time.

"Yeah, Clark has a meeting at the White House tomorrow afternoon. He said if it was just him, then he wouldn’t worry about us meeting without him, but with Bruce out as well…"

"Bruce?!" Arthur interrupted. "Why is Bruce not going to be… oh for Poseidon’s Sake, don’t tell it’s still that Hell Month whaleshit…"

J'onn chuckled silently at Arthur’s… vernacular. The only thing J'onn thought was more colorful than the beautiful coral reefs adorning the underwater city of Atlantis was the language of its King. "Arthur, considering all that he does for us year in and year out, we can forgive him his… eccentricities…"

" 'Eccentricities' my pale, scaly ass!" Arthur retorted. "Besides, I don’t really care about him missing the meetings. It’s the way that everyone in the whole damn League tends to bend over backward and silently accept his little month-long absence as if it were standard protocol."

"Anyway," J'onn said flatly, attempting to change the subject in order to avoid the great Hell Month debate, "The meeting is an hour later tomorrow."

"Fine," Arthur conceded. "I’ll be there."

"Oh, one more thing," J'onn added before Arthur could flip the switch to kill the connection. The Martian reached over and punched in the code on the Watchtower console, securing the connection. "This Saturday, my place. Seven o'clock."

It had become an unwritten rule of the most recent incarnation of Third Saturdays that January was always J'onn’s month to host. He was the one to revive the old tradition in the first place and it only seemed fitting that he hosted the first one after the two month hiatus for the holidays -- the first one of every year. Of course, every one of the participants would say that it had absolutely nothing to do with the fact that Denver was about as far away from Gotham as possible. Well, except Kyle, that is.

 

Friday

That’s odd, the messenger hasn’t shown up today. I’d blame it on traffic, but he’s always on foot. I’d say he’s just running late, but he’s an employee of Ra’s Al Ghul; they're on time or they lose their heads. I should be more concerned about this, but right now, I have to head to Washington for a meeting with the President. I don’t know what game Luthor’s playing now, but I’ll go along with it until I know what he’s up to. Sorry Bruce, but Luthor takes precedence.

 

Kyle waltzed into the conference room for the weekly meeting, surprised to see Wally sitting at one of the computer terminals along the wall. He heard several strange noises emanating from Wally before he got close enough to recognize what they were: chuckles.

"You're here early," Kyle greeted, causing Wally to jolt in his chair.

"Gah! Jesus, man. You scared the crap outta me!" Wally quickly regained his breath, turning to see his friend standing behind him. "Warn a guy, would'ja?."

"Sorry," Kyle chuckled in lackluster apology. "You not get the message that the meeting time was changed?"

"No," Wally admitted. "I showed up like an hour ago and no one was here. I checked in at the Monitor Womb and Steel told me about the change. I figured that going home and coming back in an hour was pointless, so I decided to just hang out here until everyone else showed up. Why was the meeting changed?"

"Oh, Supes had some… thing at the White House this afternoon," Kyle answered absently as he glanced over Wally’s shoulder to the computer screen, trying to make out what Wally had been doing.

"The White House? He’s meeting with Luthor?"

"Apparently," Kyle responded, looking back at his friend for a second before returning his gaze to the console monitor. "Means he'll no doubt be in a wonderful mood by the time he gets here," he sarcastically added.

"Great," Wally spat, turning back to the console.

"Wait," Kyle interrupted, "you decided to hang here for an hour rather than go home? You. Wally West. The Fastest Man Alive. Wally, you could do more in an hour than most of us could do in a month!"

Wally looked back up at his friend, gave a weak smile and shrugged. "What can I say. I may be fast but I’m also incredibly lazy." When the look that Kyle gave him let him know that Kyle wasn’t buying it, he chuckled and decided to come clean. "Okay, that and the fact that Linda’s been getting on my case about poking around on this web site. I figured I could do it here without interruption." Wally motioned toward the screen.

Kyle leaned in over his shoulder, reading the text on the screen:

~~~~~

Topic: how can Flash scoop up people at superspeed…
Started by: JediNite
…without tearing them up? Has this been explained somewhere?


implsefan

He picks them up s l o w l y… LOL


SpEd_phreak

From what I've read, Flash can lend speed to other objects. So he probably can give them some foward motion before he even reaches them.

~~~~~

 

Wally chuckled.

"Wally," Kyle questioned, "What the hell is this?"

Wally motioned toward the screen, tilting it back slightly to give Kyle a better view. "This is the SHMB."

"The what?"

"SHMB," Wally reiterated. "The Super Hero Message Board. It’s an on-line message board. They allow people from all over the 'Net to post their ideas and discuss…"

"I know what a Message Board is, Walls. But did you say ‘super Hero'?"

"Yeah, the Super Hero Message Board. I stumbled onto it by accident. Turns out, there’s this board where a bunch of folks congregate to talk about… well, us! Essentially, any and all Super Powered beings on the planet."

"A Fan Board for Super Heroes?!" Kyle gaped at the screen as Wally clicked a few links to go back to main web-page for the board.

"Basically, yeah," Wally confirmed, clicking through various links, showing Kyle the general layout of the board. "It’s done pretty well. There’s a whole section just on the JLA, with individual discussion boards for each member." Wally clicked the links through the JLA area as he described it to Kyle, ending on a page with a list of JLA member’s names each pointing to a separate board.

"Wait," Kyle interrupted. "You're sitting here and reading message board messages about yourself? Isn’t that a little… I dunno… vain?!"

"That’s just what Linda says," Wally scoffed jokingly. "It probably would be, if not for the humor factor." Kyle merely looked at him with a confused look, prompting Wally to search through the Flash board and find one of the more… interesting threads. He opened it up and motioned for Kyle to read along…

 

~~~~~

Topic: Can the Flash outrace color?
Started by: The Taker

Everything has a speed, right? So I’m thinking the Flash can outrace color. I caught this bit in an on-line discussion about quantum physics…

~~~~~

 

"Uh," Kyle responded, his eyes continuing to scan down the discussion, "this… this doesn’t make any sense…"

"Exactly," Wally laughed, obviously enjoying this whole thing. "First of all, the original poster makes this huge logic leap from quantum existence theory to color having a speed, which just makes absolutely no sense. But to make matters worse, all of these other guys jump on board and start trying to debate the physics behind this ridiculous assertion. It’s like they've all had a college physics class or two and they think they're now experts in physics and quantum theory. It’s hysterical!!"

"If you say so," Kyle prompted, suddenly questioning his friend’s sense of humor. "Wait," he added, pointing at the screen, "that guy just said that your powers are one-dimensional…"

"Actually, he said it seems one-dimensional. Besides, there are a slew of those 'all he does is run fast' posts out there that get picked apart by everyone else," he explained, adding "Those are some great ones!"

"Really?" Kyle answered, not expecting Wally’s flippancy toward his so-called detractors. "There’s folks here slamming you and it doesn’t bother you?"

"Nah. It did at first, but most of 'em were just complete morons anyway, so… Plus, there are other topics that more than make up for a few small criticisms," Wally joked, backing out of that thread and scanning down the topics, looking for another one. Kyle noticed that Wally looked like a kid on Christmas morning, all giddy over finding something new and exciting. It was quite funny to watch.

"Ah! Here we go. This one had me rolling…"

"Uh, Walls? Does that say…?

"Yup!"

~~~~~

Topic: Flash should be a woman.
Started by:
Ashton

I mean it, seriously. All these SHs constantly changing anyway, I think there should be a new Flash and this time a female should play the part.


Scribbler

Going on your theory, I did some searches and found this on some random artist’s website: :P

~~~~~

 

Below the text was a cartoonish style drawing of a set of rather large-chested women dressed in reasonable facsimiles of the JLA’s outfits, basically showing an "all female Justice League". Both Wally and Kyle stared at the picture for a moment, then started laughing.

"Okay, now that’s funny!" said Kyle, unable to resist actually trying to imagine Superman, Arthur and even Batman as women. Wally just kept laughing, then started to scroll down the page more.

"Just wait," he said between chuckles, "it gets better. The other folks start discussing the size of the female Flash’s boobs and how much of a hindrance they are."

"You mean they actually debate about this crap?!?" Kyle gasped.

"Oh, yeah." Wally replied.

By the end of the thread, both Wally and Kyle were in tears, laughing hysterically.

"W-wait, wait…" Kyle sputtered between laughs. "Scroll back up to that picture…"

Wally did, sending both of them into hysterics again. After a few minutes, they had calmed down (and caught their breaths enough) and looked at the picture again. "Hey!" Kyle complained jokingly, "how come your boobs are bigger than mine?!"

Wally stuck out is lower lip in his best Marilyn Monroe pout. "It’s called genetics, big boy."

Kyle slapped him playfully on the shoulder, laughing, then grabbed one of the other nearby chairs and pulled it over next to Wally, sitting down next to him.

"You think these are good," Wally said, still chuckling, "you should see some of the ones on the Supes board. Those guys are friggin' rabid!"

"What about mine?" Kyle prompted, now getting more and more intrigued by the whole site.

"Honestly, I dunno," Wally explained, "I haven’t had a chance to check your board out yet…" Wally clicked back to the main JLA section, then selected the "Green Lantern" board. A sudden quiet and almost uncomfortable tension descended upon the pair as they glanced over the list of thread titles:

~~~~~

Hal Jordan Fan Club! pgs: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15
This new guy SUX!!! pgs: 1 2 3
Is the new GL Gay?!?
Aren’t we supposed to call him "Ion" now?
Can any of You post an enlarged picture or drawing of what a power ring looks like?
Someone told me there was once a Black GL?!
Headline: New powers a blessing or a threat?

In Memorium: Hal Jordan pgs: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9
How fast would Hal kick this new GL’s ass?
Give the New GL a chance, people!!!
Whatever happened to Guy Gardner?!
GL: A new perspective
Revive the GL Corps!

Why is Hal considered the greatest GL of them all? pgs: 1 2 3 4
What would YOU do with a power ring?
Poor substitute: the new GL

….

~~~~~

 

"What the fu…" Wally replied, staring at the threads. "Man, I forget that most of the general population now knows that Hal used to be GL…"

"Yeah," Kyle agreed weakly, having heard Hal referred to by name outside of the superhero community frequently, "it’s pretty hard to hide that fact when in the middle of the remains that was once Coast City, there’s now a fifty-foot fucking statue of Green Lantern with the words 'In Memory of Hal Jordan' written on the base. I think it’s pretty safe to assume that most of the world at large knows who he was at this point." The animosity and aggravation in Kyle’s voice was evident. He'd finally gotten to a point in his career where he felt like he’d finally managed to make a name for himself—a name outside of "Hal Jordon’s replacement"—but now he suddenly felt like he was back to square one.

They returned their attention to the screen. The list of posts went on for six whole pages, most of them either Pro-Hal or Anti-"New GL". There were a few Pro-NewGL threads, but upon inspection, most of them turned into nasty flame-wars brought on by the more militant of the Hal supporters. The pair sat, seemingly transfixed by the words on the screen for several minutes as Wally clicked through the list of threads and even through a thread or two.

"Oh man, I’m sorry Kyle." Wally said sympathetically. "I had no idea…"

Kyle, for his part, just sat quietly seething. He reached up and nudged Wally’s hand off of the mouse, taking control. He poked through a few more threads, his ire raising even more as the posters continued in their complete praise and dedication of Hal Jordan while mercilessly bashing the one they called the "New GL".  Kyle had been Green Lantern for years and yet they still referred to him as "The New Guy".

"Whatthefuck," he mumbled, eyes locked on the screen.

"What?" Wally said, honestly not understanding his friend’s mumbling.

"I said, What the FUCK!" Kyle shouted, the dam finally bursting. "What the hell is wrong with these people!!  I’m Green Lantern!!  I've helped save this planet more than a few times!  I've saved Philly, London, DC more times than I can count!  I’m part of the JL-fuckin'-A! Hell, I've probably put my fucking life on the line for a few of these assholes more times than they'll ever know! And what does it get me?!?"

Kyle leaned over, reading aloud directly from the screen: " '…he sux! He couldn’t hold Hal Jordan’s jock-strap!' Jesus, what the fuck is their problem?!?"

Wally stood, grabbing Kyle by the shoulders and turning him away from the board. "Dude, calm down. I know it sucks what they're saying, but remember, it’s just an Internet message board. Who gives a shit…"

"I give a shit, Wal! They're saying this shit about ME!"

"Kyle, relax," Wally said, trying to comfort his friend. "Look, it’s just the Internet, okay? You know how the 'Net is: it’s a haven for the pontificating chronically-uninformed! These guys don’t know what the hell they're talking about…"

"I don’t care! Who the fuck do these guys think they are?! I’m the Green- Fuckin'- Lantern!!

"Kyle! Language!" Diana scolded as she walked in the door of the meeting room. She saw Wally and Kyle standing by one of the terminals, Kyle looking quite upset. "What’s wrong, Kyle?"

"What’s Wrong?! There’s… mrmph…" Kyle was cut short by Wally’s hand, flinging up around Kyle’s shoulder and clamping over his mouth. Kyle shouted a protest into Wally’s hand as Wally turned a calm expression Diana’s way.

"There’s a few people on this Internet message board saying some… derogatory things about Kyle." Wally explained, struggling to keep his hand in place over Kyle’s squirming face.

"An Internet message board?  Kyle," Diana oozed with self-righteous condescension, "you mustn’t get upset over a few peoples' opinions. After all, people have a right to say whatever they wish. Why, just by its very nature, the Internet is a tool where people from all over the world can freely express their ideas and opinions, regardless of nationality, race, color or creed. It is free form public debate in the truest sense of the word. Even heated, argumentative debate is useful in the sense that it allows differing points of view to be addressed and discussed openly and freely. And it is only through debate that human beings can truly understand one another and mature as a culture…"

Kyle tried to protest against Wally’s hand, but only ended up sounding like a grunting chimp. He looked over at Wally, eyes burning in anger. Wally simply gave him a knowing wink, then turned back to Diana. "You know, Diana, you're absolutely right." An obvious but muffled "What?!?" came out of Kyle as he stared incredulously at Wally.

"The internet is debate in its truest form," Wally continued, releasing the astonished Kyle and silencing him with a devilish grin. Kyle simply stared in confusion as Wally returned to his seat, swinging around to face the screen again. "Let’s see what heated, intellectual debates they're having on the Wonder Woman board right now." He began clicking though the links to arrive at the board in question.

Diana strolled over in their direction, brimming with self-righteous pride as she passed by Kyle. She'd show him how mature adults handled people with differing opinions. Wally clicked the first topic and brought the thread up on the screen:

 

~~~~~

Topic: If you could change only ONE thing about that costume…
Started by: LizaFan


Forgive me if we have covered this topic before…but, I’m curious. If you could change only ONE thing about Wonder Woman’s traditional costume what would it be?
Me, I think the earings have to go. Trust me, they are not a good thing to wear into battle.
-if they are pierced earings she could lose an earlobe (vulnerable to bullets, figures she would be vulnerable to a tear in soft tissue)
- if they are clip-on earings she'd be going through 1000+ pairs a year (price prohibitive).

~~~~~

 

Diana looked at Wally and scoffed. "Very funny, Wally. Now bring up a real one…"

"That is a 'real one', Diana," Wally replied, hiding the laughter in his own voice. "It was the first one on the list. Here, let’s try the next one…"

 

~~~~~

Topic: Why are WW’s (+)(+) always so big?
Started By: Athenaline

in all of the newspaper drawings and sketches drawn of her, why do all of the pictures include her with reall large… um… attributes?!? it’s insulting not just to her but to all women!!


RedSpeedy


Um, have you ever SEEN WW? Her b(+)(+)bs ARE that big! Yowza!


Athenaline

that may be hornyboy but they always seem to over-emphasize them!!


WondyMan


Well then, go bitch to her about her costume!! She’s the one running around in that corset that shoves 'em up to her chin. Besides, what kind of message is she _really_ sending out there. Sure she talks a big game about women’s independance and women’s freedoms from male oppression, but then she runs around wearing an outfit that exposes 85% of her body?!? Now why is that?!


AgeOfAmazons


its ceremonial. :P

~~~~~

 

"Wally!" Diana chided loudly. "Stop playing around!"

"I’m not!" Wally replied as Kyle came over to look over Wally’s other shoulder to read. "I tell you what," Wally continued, "We'll go back to the main page and you can pick a topic…" He clicked out to the primary Wonder Woman board and displayed the list of topics.

The trio read through the list of topics, Diana searching for one that looked even remotely like a pertinent discussion within the list of topics such as: "Wonder Women’s costume sensibility", "My Favorite Amazon!!!" and "WW merchandise resources".

"There!" She pointed to one and Wally brought it up.

 

~~~~~

Topic: Which would Wonder Woman prefer?
Started By: ArtemisGuy

Do you think she prefers smooth or hairy chested men?

~~~~~

 

Diana stared in shock. Wally immediately backed out and brought the topic list up again. "T-there…" Diana pointed to another one.

 

~~~~~

Topic: If you were her…
Started By: 0o_MellyMel_o0

… who would you pick to have an affair with: Superman, Batman, Flash, Green Lantern or *snicker* Aquaman?

~~~~~

 

Wally backed out, trying desperately to contain his laughter. Kyle turned to greet J'onn and Arthur who had just entered the meeting room, then went over to explain to them what was going on. Plaz followed soon after, slowly loping into the room. Diana and Wally continued to search through the board. "Okay, let’s try a different approach. Here’s one with a lot of replies. Let’s try that…"

He hesitated for a second upon reading the title of the topic, because he knew it might be a sore subject for Diana, but figured it had the most potential for the "honest debate" Diana was looking for…

 

~~~~~

Topic: Sexuality of the Amazons
Started By: Nefertiti
This is a serious question, I’m not trying to be salacious or start something.
I just read an interesting article that said that the sexuality of Wonder Woman and the rest of the Amazons is Lesbianism. Is this true?

~~~~~


Wally was barely able to contain himself anymore. He scrolled down the page, well aware of Diana’s penetrating eyes staring over his shoulder. A small chuckle escaped his lips when he read one poster’s suggestion that Amazons surely had "sapphic tendencies". He sputtered a laugh, then coughed to try and cover it up when another asserted that ancient Amazons would kidnap unwitting males, force them to have sex, then return them to their homelands in "deep awe and terror". The final straw was the poster that purported to know that it was common knowledge that "Diana herself [was] a hetreosexual virgin". He slapped his hand over his own mouth to keep from laughing outright. He turned to Diana, then sputtered into his hand when he looked at her open-mouthed, aghast expression. He stumbled up out of the chair, managed a quick "It’s all yours…" to Diana before heading over to the conference table to join the others.

Superman entered, looking more than a little perturbed, and stormed over to his chair. The other Leaguers glanced at one another, silently confirming what they had all expected: the meeting with Luthor had not gone well.

"Let’s get this started, folks. Diana, would you care to join us please." Superman sat in his chair, the others quickly following suit, except Diana, who was still gasping at the terminal screen. "Diana," Clark called again to no response. "DIANA!"

She finally pulled her eyes away, noticing the others now sitting at the conference table. She stood and headed over toward the conference table to join the meeting. "Sorry, Kal."

Superman bristled lightly at Diana’s continual use of his Kryptonian name, but took a deep breath and started the meeting. Many of the discussions were short. The decisions were all made quickly and without pomp or circumstance. No one appeared to be in the mood to debate or discuss at great length any of the topics that were brought forth. Superman was preoccupied, mostly about his abysmal meeting with Luthor. Kyle was still fuming over what was posted on the SHMB, the brief respite of Diana’s reaction to her board doing little to permanently ease his ire. For her part, Diana sat quietly, mostly from shock. Arthur stewed quietly over having to rearrange his schedule to accommodate the change in meeting time and frequently glanced over to Batman’s empty chair and scoffed. J'onn quickly acquired a headache from the mass of angered psyches repeatedly banging against his telepathic senses. Plaz sat uncharacteristically quiet, seemingly disinterested in the meeting itself and more interested in the pretty lights flashing on the large view-screen on the wall behind Superman’s head.

It was one of the best meetings Wally had ever attended.

 

Saturday

I don’t have time for this.

Luthor, not as "Lex Luthor, Businessman" or even as "Lex Luthor, Superman Adversary", but as President of the United States informed me that part of the Nuclear Disarmament Treaty he signed last week with members of the former Soviet Bloc countries and the European Union included a requirement on behalf of each signing member country for public displays of disarmament of nuclear warheads as proof of their consent to the agreement. Luthor decided that the U.S.’s displays should be carried out by a "Symbol of World Peace, Justice and National Pride."; namely, me. He knows full well that, regardless of my animosity toward him, I still respect the office which he currently holds and will honor any request set forth by that office, despite the fact that it’s him making the request. As long as what I’m asked to do isn’t illegal, unethical or morally wrong and as long as it ultimately benefits the American people, I will carry out any request set forth by the President. "What’s more beneficial to the American People than nuclear disarmament?" he said.

Trust me, I’m all for it. I’ll gladly do this little task for him if it means a few more missiles out of silos. But truthfully, this has nothing to do with National Pride or a show of support for the Treaty. If it were, Luthor would have requested that I destroy all 15,000 of the remaining active nuclear warheads in the country instead of the dozen he’s pointed me to. This is a public show, all right, but what he’s really doing is showing the rest of the world that he has Superman under his control and he’s not afraid to use me. So, I don’t like it but I’ll do it. I’ll smile and pose for the cameras while I hold up the missiles then hurl them into the sun for all to watch. But rest assured, I will be tossing a few more than the dozen he requested. Purely by "accident", of course. Just as Luthor knows that I won’t publicly go against the wishes of the sitting President, he knows that if he publicly bashes me for destroying a few more than the prerequisite twelve, he'll be labeled a "Pro-Nuke War Monger" by the time I get back to Metropolis.

So I figured I might as well go ahead and get it done. The sooner I can get it over with and put it behind me the better. Then, on my way out of town, I start picking up a supersonic signal ringing in my ear.

"DP. Now"

"DP" is the Daily Planet and considering the signal, it has to be Bruce.

I don’t have time for this.

 

Diana sat in the Monitor Womb for her Saturday night stint on Duty. On the console in front of her, the Wonder Woman Message Board displayed a long list of topics, most of them akin to the ones she had seen the previous day before the meeting. Her initial shock had eventually worn off, changing into disgust and even anger. Then, she realized, it wasn’t their fault, exactly. They were all just obviously misinformed. A fact she intended to remedy.

She selected the "New to the Board?" icon at the bottom of the screen and was taken to the registration page to create a new "account". She filled out the simple form and selected "submit". The page flashed back an error:

We're sorry, the Username you requested has been taken. Please click "Back" and select another one.

"Taken?" She scoffed, staring at the error. "How can 'WonderWoman' be taken?!" She clicked back to the form and tried again. Same error. She went back to the original form. "That’s fine. We'll try something else."

She entered "Diana" and tried again.

We're sorry, the Username you requested has been taken. Please click "Back" and select another one.

Okay, fair enough. Not all that uncommon a name.

She tried "DianaPrincessOfThemyscira". Taken.

"DianaWW" - taken.

"AmazonAmbassador" - taken

"WondWoman" - taken.

"ThemysciranGoddess" - taken…

 

I land on the roof of the Daily Planet, wondering what Bruce’s emergency is… The Messenger. He’s found out. A quick mental scan of the calendar and I realize what I’m in for. Hell Month. A minus 4. He lets me have it both barrels, telling me that I’d expect him to tell me if one of Luthor’s "flunkies" was operating out of Gotham.

No, I’d say if an agent of Luthor’s set up shop in Gotham, you'd pound him into a 1 X 1 cube and send him to me 2nd day Ground!

Um… did I say that out loud?

Great, now he’s coming at me from all sides. Somehow, in his Hell Month, A-minus-4 mind, this is all my fault. Doesn’t he know that if anything happened I would tell him…

Something has happened?!? What?! What’s going on…

And now The Glare. Look, Bruce glare all you want to, if you don’t tell me what’s going on…

Lois says I’m crazy. She says she doesn’t understand how someone like me, with the strength and power to pull the moon out of its orbit, can be scared of someone like Bruce, a normal human being. I tell her that Bruce is far from normal. And I’m not scared of him, it just that sometimes it’s best to just give him what he wants so he'll stop making your life miserable…

Besides, she’s never been on the receiving end of that glare.

Yeah, that one. You know, I've got problems of my own right now and your glare is only making things worse. If you want something, ask it.

I am not answering to a glare!

I am not going to cave!

I’m not!

 

"You caved?!?"

"I didn’t cave, Arthur!" Clark replied, staring across J'onn’s living room at the Atlantian sitting in J'onn’s overstuffed chair. Various snickers rose about the room as the others—J'onn, Wally, Kyle, Eel and John Henry—watched the discussion between the two men. "I had information relevant to a case he was working on and I supplied that information to him upon his request." Clark continued to explain.

"No," Arthur retorted calmly, trying to keep from snickering himself. "You had 'information' that was vague at best -- information that you very well could not have had in the first place -- and you spilled your guts to him because he stood there with his stupid little glare and forced it out of you." Arthur took a sip of his beer, then smirked at Clark. "Now, you can call that whatever you want to, but I call it 'caving'."

Clark looked around to the others for support, realizing that they were all pleading with him to keep them out of it. He sighed, sipping his milk and shook his head slowly. "I didn’t…" he paused, realizing the futility of his argument. "I caved," he finally agreed with a chuckle, raising his glass in toast to the room. "Viva La HellMonth."

"Viva La HellMonth" the others replied, all raising their glasses in toast, then taking sips of their drinks. J'onn stood, heading toward the kitchen to grab a few refills for those that had drained their glasses. On his way, he paused next to Clark and rested a hand on his shoulder. The two men looked at each other, both smiling, then confirmed in unison "A-minus-4."

As J'onn continued on to the kitchen, Kyle turned a questioning look toward Clark. "A minus 4?" he asked, trading confused glances with Wally and Eel.

"Never mind, long story," Clark replied, taking another sip of his drink. Arthur snorted another chuckle and put his drink down on the table beside his chair. Kyle turned his attention to the Atlantian, as if he just remembered that Arthur had been sitting there.

"In all fairness, Artie, dealing with Batty during Hell Month is always a pain in the ass." Kyle said, not even realizing what he had just called the King of Atlantis thanks to the 5 cans of "liquid courage" he’d already consumed. "I’d love to see how quickly you'd cave under that stare…"

J'onn came back from the kitchen, wordlessly handing fresh drinks to Wally and Eel, his eyes never leaving Arthur. He knew this wouldn’t be pretty.

"Actually, Kylie," Arthur responded, adopting a face of mock seriousness, "let me see if I can put this into perspective for you. You know that right now, Atlantis is in the middle of the Winter Migration, right? Okay, so part of that migration includes several pods—or ‘schools' if you prefer—of Sperm Whales. They don’t come to the middle of the Atlantic for food or warmer climates, they come to mate. Now, female Sperm Whales have an estrous cycle of about 20-30 days that comes just once a year. So, at best, they have a 30-day window in which to locate a potential mate somewhere in thousands of miles of open ocean, and considering that the current female to male ratio for Sperm Whales is approximately 4 to 1, that’s no easy feat in and of itself. Then, they have to entice such a mate, copulate and successfully conceive, all within that 30 day window. So consider it this way: while you guys are up here dealing with one man out of billions of surface dwellers with a month-long mad-on conniption fit, I’m dealing with a month full of hundreds of desperate, whiny, bitchy, horny, 30-ton female Sperm Whales all looking for the same thing. Trust me, ol' Dark and Broody’s got nothing on an unsatisfied, horny female sperm whale on Day 28 of her cycle. So I’ll make you a deal: I’ll stay up here and deal with Bats and all of his Hell Month… eccentricities, and you can go deal with 30 tons of hormonal, pissed-off Whale-Bitch."

Arthur sat back in his chair, grabbing his drink off the table and taking a sip -- and using the glass to try and hide the smirk on his face. Kyle, Wally, Eel and John Henry all stared aghast at Arthur’s tirade. He tried desperately not to laugh at what looked like a small school of large-mouthed bass staring in his direction. J'onn and Clark both sipped from their drinks, also trying to hide their smiles.

Wally was the first to be able to forms words into a coherent statement: "D-dude… that’s fucked up…"

Arthur, J'onn and Clark exchanged glances, then broke out laughing. Eventually, they all started laughing. January Third Saturdays were generally like this: No poker, no games, no real set plans, just a chance for everyone to get back together and talk -- about their respective holidays, about the League, about life in general, about… anything. J'onn noticed with no small sense of pleasure that the revelation of identities seemed to have had a positive effect on Third Saturdays. Everyone was in "normal" clothes: no costumes, no masks, just a group of guys having a good time.

An hour or so into the activities, Clark, J'onn and Arthur all paused pointedly and began looking around the apartment, almost frantically. The others caught their sudden nervousness and quieted down, shrugging at each other and looking to the three. "What? What is it?" Kyle asked.

J'onn shushed him almost nastily, then looked to Clark and Arthur for confirmation. The looks they sent his way confirmed his suspicions: someone else was here. All three men who had the benefit of better-than-average hearing had heard a noise, somewhere back toward J'onn’s bedroom. Picking up on their teammates' non-verbal clues, all of the men in the room turned to look down the small hallway back towards J'onn’s room.

A small throat-clearing cough from behind them shook every member in the room. They all spun about, instinctively crouching into ready positions, then stopped suddenly, frozen in their places. They stared in complete shock at the man leaning against the window sill, arms crossed over his chest. He was a man that many of them had known and all of them knew was supposed to be dead!

Oliver Queen, a.k.a. the Original Green Arrow. He was dressed in full GA attire, complete with the crooked hat that matched the slant of his crooked grin. "So," Ollie prompted, with his customary charm, "is this a Private Party, or can anyone crash?"

 

Sunday

The Super Hero Message Boards >  JLA Discussion Area > Wonder Woman Forum

~~~~~

Topic: A message from Diana, Princess of Themyscira
Started by: TheREALWonderWomanDiana

Dear Internet Friends,

The Internet, in its truest and finest form, is a medium for peoples of all nations, all races, all sexes, all ages, all creeds and all backgrounds to come together and openly discuss any and all matters that they deem worthy. To this extent, I have always championed its cause and its benefits. I have only recently become aware that this site existed and as such, I was unaware that there was a place available for these peoples to come together to discuss not only myself, but my views, my opinions and my causes. When I heard that such a place did exist, I was overwhelmed and delighted at the thought of such an open forum existing in a world where free expression, free debate and free speech are often suppressed. However, upon visiting this site, I was no longer delighted. I was, in fact, appalled!

If I may be allowed to be frank here, I will say that I had expected that any Internet web site devoted to My Cause would be filled with discussions of some of the most important issues facing all people today. The abhorrent treatment of women in some third-world countries, the repeated objectification and humiliation of women the world over in this male-dominated society, the lack of any substantial peace throughout the world -- these are the kinds of debates and ideas I expected to see. Instead, this board is filled with nothing but salacious discussions about my appearance, my dress and my personal -- and even sexual! -- preferences. This kind of discussion is uncalled for, unwarranted and quite frankly, insulting to me and to ALL women around the world!

My friends, I put forth the notion that your time here on this earth is short and so precious that to spend that time with such trivial discussions while this planet screams for justice and equality is truly a waste of that precious time. Do not while away your life by engaging in such insipid and inane banter, but rather express those opinions that matter most in this world. Do all that you can while you can to be a positive force of truth, justice and equality in an otherwise untrue, unjust and unequal world. Fight the oppression of ALL humankind, not just with your words, but with your actions and with your deeds. Go forth into the world and help me -- help me to spread the message of true peace and equality throughout the world. Only together can we enact any REAL change on this Earth and on the people who populate it.

Thank you all for your interest and your time.

Sincerely,

Wonder Woman

Diana, Princess of Themyscira


RedSpeedy

ROFLMAO!!!!

dOOd! tht was sum funny $#1T!!! ROFL!!!


caprice

actally, RS, I dont think it was funny at ALL!! WW doesnt reall talk like that!! Its mean and nasty!


RedSpeedy

Oh BS, caprice. Did u hear her speach at the un a few months ago?!? She sounds JUST like that!!!


ArtemisGuy

I agree! That was uncalled for! I hope the mod deletes this. its just rude!


Nefertiti

Diana!!! OMG!!! Thank you so much for your kind words!! WE LOVE YOU!!! Does this mean you'll actually be posting here regularly??! :D :D :D :D

I have SOOOOO many questions to ask you, but I’ll start with this one:

Is Superman really as hot up close as he looks on TV?!?!


PhillyCat

Geez, nef. R U really that stupid or do you just play it on TV?! ;) :P

Dere’s no way this is actually the REAL WW. Dont let da name fool u.

And I don think this offensive at all! Its jus funny!! LOL!!


WWMB-MOD

 

**This thread has been closed by the moderator of the board due to inappropriate material. Please refrain from impersonating other people while posting on this board. Thank you. **

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