Chapter 5: Demon's Head
MAYFAIR
Bon Vivant
Bridegroom:
Billionaire Bruce Wayne
Plans the
Ultimate High Rise
Bachelor Night
Very soon after Mayfair launched,
Bradford Dormont began his career at the magazine with Carte des
Etoiles, a chronicle of café society and its scandals by the one writer
with access to all the dramatis personae in the tangled circles of Hollywood
and High Society. From criminal trials in Boston to tummy tucks in
Bangkok, negligence-or-was-it-murder in Monaco to insider trading in Gotham,
all sides seem to take Dormont as their confidant. The children talk,
the servants talk, the mistresses talk, and the countesses talk. But
will Bruce Wayne and his bride talk?
“The thing to remember about Bruce,” said one of
Bruce Wayne’s oldest friends at a Park Avenue dinner party, “is that
he’s trompe l’oeil, his life is crafted to deceive the eye.
He created a character that he plays, and the press laps it up.”
It’s an idea that goes in and out of fashion among
Foundation donors and Wayne Enterprises investors, for it’s hard to
reconcile the debauchery on Page 6 with the high-minded philanthropy and
solid corporate citizenship reported in more respectable news.
Yet for the true cognoscenti, the link is as common as FILTH, as in
the old Wall Street acronym “Failed in London? Try Hong Kong.”
Bruce seems eager to deflect attention from his time
abroad, wearing his washout from Princeton as a bad boy badge of honor as if
we wouldn’t notice he was enrolled in the London School of Economics the
next term. Studying at LSE may
put him the company of Kennedys and Nobel laureates, but it put him more
literally in the company of those sons of privilege who are a fixture in
London and Hong Kong, beginning careers in the capital markets, famous for
their hunting of “Sloane Rangers,” living at clubs like Annabel’s and Home
House, blacking out on the tube and showing up to work the next day in their
tuxedos. One need only compare
the London chapters of Jon Prevel’s Tales of the Abyss and LexCorp
with Bruce’s playboy antics when he returned to Gotham, and one might
come away thinking he used the anecdotes of those first year Salomon
Brothers analysts as a script.
Bruce is expected to say goodbye to single life in the
most spectacular fashion possible, and sources close to his preferred
concierge say he does not plan to disappoint.
The multi-night extravaganza will begin at one of Gotham's most
exclusive clubs, of course, but only as a gathering point.
Once assembled, the party will move via a caravan of party busses to
Wayne's private jet and then to the famous Burj Al Arab on the southern
sandy coastline of Dubai, where it's rumored that Wayne has booked the
US$24,000-per-night Royal Suite as well as the Al Falak ballroom and Al
Mahara restaurant for a three-tiered final party—potentially four if the jet
continues to circle overhead, as is rumored.
The
guest list has been the subject of speculation for months, with rumoured
guests ranging from rock stars to athletes, European royalty to the Who’s
Who of Hollywood and Wall Street.
Knowing Bruce, only the crème-de-la-crème need apply.
And knowing Bruce, we can expect a last look at the bad boy who’s
become such a rarity since he began escorting Selina Kyle to
D’Annunzio, the Upper East Side restaurant that caters to Gotham’s
people-you-love-to-read-about…
Blue diamonds get their color from boron, an element
more abundant in the Earth’s crust than its mantle.
Fine. But saying the
famously cursed Hope Diamond was “spawned in the most hellish depths of the
Earth” seemed a needlessly sensational flourish, and Jaxon Valdorcia (known
in various circles as Jax, Coop, Mason, Logan, ‘that Aussie bloke,’ and
Le Maître Rusé) dropped the
in-flight magazine into the trash wondering why he’d even taken the thing
off the plane.
Jaxon lived in an exclusive suburb outside Melbourne
whenever he wasn’t living out of a $4,000 Prada go-bag in Kuala Lumpur,
Bangkok or Jakarta for a job like the one that now brought him to Japan.
Against his better judgment, he’d read an article on the plane, about
blue diamonds. He’d read it
because the Hope was a blue diamond, that much seemed like fate. The one
thing he knew about the upcoming job was that he’d be acquiring an item from
a shrine near the Imperial Palace.
The Hope had famously begun as the eye of an idol in a temple in
India. So… Fate.
He turned to the page with the article expecting something
interesting from a nature journal, something on the complex geologic
sequence by which boron ended up at a depth where diamonds form, not another
rehash of French royals, wealthy owners and thieves that came to bad ends
after coming in contact with the gem.
Jaxon wasn’t superstitious of course.
No one on his level could afford to be.
Temples, grave goods, religious icons, it was all part of the
business. And everyone
understood that Hollywood myth notwithstanding, a good story was the only
security the ancient world had.
There were men with swords, no doubt, but they’d be as prone to sleep,
boredom, bribery and bludgeoning as their modern counterparts.
In a world without retinal scans, cameras or heat sensors, the best
thing to do was scare a would-be thief into staying home.
Home.
Swimming laps in his pool, puttering with his outdoor deck—the one part of
the property free of heritage conservation rules, where he could modernize
and tinker to his heart’s content.
He hated leaving, but what was he to do?
DEMON offered more than any outsider could refuse.
They used their own talent whenever they could, so if they called it
was because they needed you and they didn’t waste time haggling.
When he first got the call—when he heard Ōtemachi—he assumed the
target was a corporate headquarters.
He packed assuming he was going after a prize like that Rubens from
the Odawara board room a few years back.
A temple never occurred to him, though they often contained the
richest treasures. Whatever was
in this one, its security must be
on par with its treasures, requiring an expertise only a half dozen people
in the world had to offer. And
that translated into an awful lot of zeroes—worth dodging a curse or two,
certainly.
Especially since, when you thought about it, curses
couldn’t be avoided. Everything
of value was once something else: a Portuguese ring might link gold melted
from an Aztec temple with a gemstone from ancient China.
A thief actively trying to avoid curses probably crossed as many gods
as one who didn’t. So there was
no point worrying what was in this temple of
Masakadonoatama and what dire fates
were pronounced a thousand years ago to whoever was bold enough to take it.
I want to live
like common people,
I want to do whatever common people do,
I want to
sleep with common people,
I want to sleep with common people
Like
you.
You haven’t experienced the exquisite irony of the
one-percent until you drive across the access bridge to Burj Al Arab with
Pulp’s Common People blasting on the radio.
The Bruce Wayne of foppish legend would have loved the joke, while
the real one was at least pleased to give the experience to three men who,
though a pain at meetings, had saved humanity more than once and deserved a
good party.
Rent a flat above
a shop
Cut your hair and get a job
Smoke some fags and play some pool
Pretend you never went to school
The Bruce Wayne who traveled the world in reality was
very different from one who traveled in the public imagination.
There was never a week at the Hotel Byblos in St. Tropez in the
duplex overlooking the pool. No
getting bottle service at Nikki Beach while fashion models circled modeling
clothes from the nearby shops.
No enticing them one by one to abandon their posts and join him at his
table, then making a triumphant entrance to Le Cave du Roy after only ten
hours in the country, accompanied by the next Vogue cover and on a
first-name basis with the entire Dior runway.
There was no sailing and snorkeling in Antigua, rotating between the
beach bar, pool bar and spa, no drunken trips to the casino charging chips
to the hotel, and no bimbo raiding the gift shop while he checked out,
adding thousands to the bill in real time.
There were no four hand body massages in Hong Kong, no seafood
buffets with views of Victoria Harbor or pub crawls in Lan Kwai Fong.
There was only a punishing kwoon where Sifu Lin would decide if the
rich gwáilóu was fit to study with the master in Foshan, and the senior
students who had no intention of allowing him to be found so.
There was only one point where Bruce’s years of travel
overlapped with his legend: in London, where the London School of Economics
provided cover while he picked up more important skills from Scotland Yard
and MI-6. Jon Prevel was
finishing his first year as an analyst and living the cliché as a Wall
Street hedonist abroad, blowing through five and six-finger bonuses in a
matter of days. His debaucheries
became Bruce’s, though Bruce changed enough of the details that when Prevel
wrote his own account Tales of the Abyss and LexCorp, the
similarities went unnoticed.
That Bruce Wayne of legend required a sendoff.
He needed to die as he had lived, so to speak.
And if that Bruce Wayne was unlikely to meet Wally West, Kyle Rayner
and Eel O’Brian in the normal course of his private beach in St. Barth’s
existence—forming such bonds of friendship that they were the first names on
the VIP guest list given to the hotel—the real Bruce was ready to overlook
it.
I want to live
like common people,
I want to do whatever common people do,
I want to
sleep with common people
Tim texted them first: Get to Dubai your way.
None of them knew what it meant, but before their speculation got out
of hand, they each got a call from the ‘coordinating host’ at the hotel
asking if they would be arriving in Dubai independently or flying in on
Wayne One. Despite a rumor that
the real party would be on Wayne One, they put their faith in a Robin’s
greater knowledge and said they would be flying in on their own.
They then made a mental note not to ever underestimate
Tim Drake, for the host asked which of the exotic cars in the hotel’s pool
they would like waiting at the airport, for Mr. Wayne had covered the
rentals for a select few of his
very special guests.
You'll never fail
like common people,
You'll never watch your life slide out of view
And
dance and drink and screw
Because there's nothing else to do.
And so it was, the afternoon of the party while Wayne
One was still hours from landing, Eel, Wally and Kyle drove across the
access bridge in a yellow Ferrari, red McLaren and green Aston Martin with
Pulp’s Common People blasting on their radios.
All three meant to share the joke when they reached the
hotel, then forgot in the wonderland jolt of the arrival as doormen of
identical height and builds sprinted to open each of their doors
simultaneously. There was a
quintet of staff lined up to greet them as they entered the lobby, offering
hot towels, a plate of dates and a cup of Arabic coffee.
All three meant to remark on that too—on the similarity to the
welcoming ceremony on Kilfnagon-9 after they’d prevented the Dark Matter
Incursion—but again they forgot as the kaleidoscope splendor of the atrium
lobby introduced a new level of wonders.
“We are not in Kansas any more,” Wally and Eel said
together.
“I’m not sure we’re on Earth any more,” Kyle said under
his breath.
They made it past the hypnotic technicolor splendor of
the fountain, the shops featuring (among other things) a vest made of gold…
Past the art works… Past a restaurant, and beneath the Swarovski crystal
ceiling to the elevators… They made it, finally, to their room—to their
suite, that is, for the hotel had
nothing as mundane as a room...
Two floors.
Downstairs: two sitting rooms, a bar, and a bigger TV than any of them had
at home. Upstairs: two bedrooms
with panoramic views.
“Well,” said Kyle.
“Well yes,” said Wally, clearing his throat.
“Uh, right,” said Eel.
Then they said nothing for several minutes.
They looked at each other, they looked out the window, they looked at
the bar, and then, as one, they burst out laughing.
“So this is, uh, because Batman is marrying Catwoman,”
said Wally.
“There’s a gold hair dryer in the bathroom,” said Eel.
“Always thought it was a good idea.
Just the way their costumes go together, the ears, and y’know, the
names. Bat-man, Cat-woman,” said
Kyle.
“Gold iPad too, that seems to be how we contact the
concierge or order room service,” said Eel.
“I-ehhh… had my bachelor night at a Wing House,” said
Wally.
“My buddy Martin went to a comedy club,” said Kyle.
“The point is they’re happy.
She makes him happy, everybody’s life is better,” said Wally.
“Hot tub in through there.
With a mural. Of
sailboats,” Eel reported.
Again they grew quiet, and again, after a minute of
silence, they began to laugh.
Nobody remembered their quips from the atrium, or the lobby, or bridge.
And nobody thought of the song until hours later in the elevator
riding up to the royal suite as a faint, musical thumping became audible in
the distance. It grew more
distinct as they neared the party floor, the vague melody becoming more
discernable until the doors opened and they were hit with the full volume of
a live performance coming from the famous helipad, transformed into a stage
and dance floor.
“Wow,” was the universal response as they took in the
colorful opulence awash in reds and golds, and the effusive crowd awash in
sequined cleavage
“Okay men, remember your training,” Wally said in his
approximation of a Bat-gravel as a cloud of sweet floral perfume hit.
“We keep our heads. We
don’t get distracted. Survey.
Methodically. Do not…”
A second cloud of perfume telegraphed a bouncy, giggly
parade of softness and warm jiggling.
All around them. Pressing
here, squeezing through there, bustling, squirming and moving on.
Wally swallowed.
“…Do not wander,” he resumed, a slight tremor in his
voice, “and do not separate from the group until the entire field is
documented. We move
counter-clockwise, left hands to the left wall at all times.
Are we clear?”
Eel’s gaze had followed the women, but his feet did
not. Ascent was murmured, and
the exploration began with all the disciplined focus of a League mission.
They went through a set of double doors into a large
red sitting room with two seating areas, one like their suite’s faced a
window with a spectacular view of the harbor.
Nearly every seated man had a girl on his lap, except for the chap
who had two. Bottles of vodka,
tequila, wine and champagne, empty glasses and even a few beer bottles
covered every horizontal surface, and a silver Asprey wine filter held
marijuana seeds and stems…
The next room was smaller: only one seating area which
faced a high def television even larger than the one in their suite.
They realized they were in the suite’s ‘private cinema’ though at the
moment it was being used for karaoke.
Two girls in cocktail dresses were singing
You’re So Vain while four others
sat around a table, drinking and playing a dice version of liar’s poker.
Eel wanted to stay but the exploration mandate prevailed.
They returned to the foyer, bypassed the stairs and
went through the opposite set of doors into a dining room where two feasts
were laid out. A spread of rock
shrimp salad, hamachi sashimi with ponzo, and black cod with miso flown in
from Nobu was arranged on the circular dining table, while the sideboard
presented a buffet of lamb, beef and quail—as well as a drunken attempt at
art arranging greasy kabob sticks on a canvas of hummus depicting, one
supposed, the Battle of San Romano by Paolo Uccello.
A kind of office or library lay beyond that with
another good-size TV. This one
displayed a live feed from the dance floor on the helipad with a digital
clock counting down to either a light show in the harbor or fireworks, no
one was quite sure which. There
was also a guestbook of the suite’s celebrity occupants, more ashtrays
strewn with joints, cigar butts (and inexplicably a wad of blood-stained
Kleenex), and an overturned plate with traces of white powder on it (which
at least explained the Kleenex).
Upstairs, before the bedrooms, they came to another
large sitting room, this one arranged with the largest stuffed animals the
ceiling would accommodate and a dancer performing on the giant plush bunny
as if it were a stripper pole.
Another reveler sat with two girls on his lap who appeared to be twins.
In front of them, a table with several elaborate and exotic fruit
plates—and next to the fruit, a pile of cocaine.
Johnny Walker and iced green tea seemed to be the preferred drink in
that quarter…
Bruce wasn’t there.
He never was.
It was a ten-seat hole in the wall in Asakusa,
Tokyo. Three men sat at the lone
table apart from the bar, a haze of smoke from the owner’s stubby cigarette
permeating the tiny room, along with emotional waves of synth strings from a
dilapidated radio behind the bar.
The radio was almost as old as the song, an ancient enka hit Dick
Grayson described as “something my alcoholic great aunt would kill herself
to.”
Clark Kent slid his glasses up his nose in the steamy
confines of the bar and smiled at the proprietor, ordering another Yebisu in
shy, fumbling Japanese that was, seemingly unbeknownst to him, saturated in
his Kansas accent.
Bruce had been quiet since they walked into the narrow,
cluttered alley lined with microbars, though he’d been animated enough when
the night began. He brought them
first to another basement establishment almost as small, in Roppongi.
A twelve-seat sushi bar where Bruce spoke of the sushi chef
reverently as Yasuda-san.
“Look at his hands, look at his
knuckles,” he’d whispered, his enthusiasm apparent despite the
volume and discretion of a mission directive.
“That’s years of Kyokushin karate right there.
You can tell by his posture: low center, deep stance, the sweeping
motion when he turns, look at that.
“Now watch his
timing. Adapting to each
customer’s pace of eating, coordinating, the order he serves them.
His focus—middle to left, middle to right, watching them all,
adjusting constantly. The
speed, whether it’s managing the temperature of the rice or
dispatching your opponent as quickly as possible, every second is measured.
Controlling the space, managing his distance from the diners—watch
how he turns, that deep fighter’s stance—moving in and out, never out of
position…”
Bruce the martial arts nerd.
The laser-lock on weirdly specific details and sharing them with an
intensity only his son and best friend could love… Yasuda saw them then, and
there was a lot of bowing and nodding through the introductions.
They drank sake from Yasuda’s home town, chatted about the dojo in
Asakusa, the boxing club in Toshima, the fish market, and baseball.
Bruce was more relaxed than Clark had ever seen him outside the
manor.
But since they reached Shinjuku, the old Bruce had
emerged, the pre-Selina Bruce.
The silent intensity the younger leaguers called brooding but Clark knew was
more complicated. They’d come
through a network of dark, rundown alleyways that Bruce navigated with such
familiarity they might have been in Gotham…
But the silence made Clark uncomfortable.
It didn’t seem like a good omen as Bruce led them through the maze of
ramshackle buildings and narrow alleys packed tight with narrower doors,
lighted signs, printed signs and chalk sidewalk boards.
Clark made a few observations about the architecture,
trying to make conversation.
“Like walking into another time,” he’d said, and without slowing the pace,
Bruce drew attention to several features of the surroundings that felt like
an old Japanese shantytown, dropping easy phrases about the “direct contrast
between the pre and post ‘economic miracle’ architecture.”
Then the broody silence returned.
And then, suddenly, a density shift.
The palpable density shift that meant Batman without the mask as they
approached a blue door on a painted red building, a blue shuddered window
next to it where he turned abruptly into a new alley.
It was darker than the others, still crammed with doors and signs but
fewer lit signs and almost no neon.
Another turn and another alley—narrow, neon-lit,
semi-populated—through a quartet of locals holding beer cans… Past the
window of a microbar crowded with five laughing neighborhood regulars…
Past some chained bicycles, another bar with a kid playing guitar,
another with a pair of salary men singing karaoke… to this low, red painted
door that looked like any other to Clark, but which transformed Bruce yet
again. He wasn’t ‘Batman’
anymore, though the forceful intensity was still present.
It was just… unfocused.
For the first time since Clark had known him, the purposeful, pressurized,
super-concentrated, super-disciplined potency that defined ‘Batman’ was...
inert.
Two beers later, the transformation was still
unexplained, but it had done nothing to dampen the party atmosphere (such as
it was for two married men and their friend who posed as a wild playboy for
his job but never enjoyed it and was glad to be rid of the tiresome chore).
They’d talked about first crushes, first kisses and first times...
Bruce guessing that Alfred knew he’d lied about that ski weekend,
Dick horrified to learn Bruce and Alfred both knew he used the West Side
safe house as a bachelor pad the whole time he was at Hudson, and Clark
confessing to the ethically sketchy use of x-ray vision and speed-running to
contrive a series of accidental meetings with his freshman crush.
(Followed by Bruce and Dick’s judgment that it
might have been ethically sketchy if he’d managed to secure anything
more than a cup of coffee and a warning that Professor Donnor’s Astronomy
100 had the nastiest mid-term on campus and if he didn’t find the science
library and read the practice tests, he’d wind up in a parade of students
leaving the mid-term and walking directly to drop-add.)
Brunettes were discussed, which Bruce and Clark both
favored, and redheads… They teased Dick that at least a few of his beloved
redheads were brunettes to begin with.
A learned debate commenced comparing golden age beauties like Vivien
Leigh, Liz Taylor, Bianca Jagger and Audrey Hepburn to more contemporary
stars like Blake Lively and Kate Hudson.
That resolved into contemplative silence… and an increased awareness
of the synth strings and quavering croon of that ancient enka hit buzzing
from the radio behind the bar.
“I wonder what’s happening in Dubai?” Dick asked
philosophically. “And what that tragic wailing is about.”
“And if diplomatic relations with the U.S. will make it
through the night?” Clark added.
“You should talk,” Dick chuckled, then cleared his
throat from the smoke. “The most
anyone who wasn’t there knows
about your bachelor night is the
Seattle-Phantom Zone Accord of 3016 YZ ‘that means Year of the Zone,’ and
‘Jagermeister mixes with Stoli; Green Chartreuse with Lantern energy and not
the other way around.’”
Kryptonian muscle control suppressed the grin but not
the blush.
“Well…” was the typically Smallville response.
“Think we should have left a reminder for Kyle?” Dick
asked, raising his finger for another Kirin.
Finally Bruce spoke:
“Rayner isn’t Hal,” he said with a flick of his eyes to
one side and a grim smile. “He’s
not about to give the Jager ‘a little shot’ to make it glow under a black
light. And as for the radio, the
woman in the song sacrificed her familial ties to marry the man she loves
against her father’s wishes. She
then learned that he plans to leave her and marry a younger woman, so she
throws herself from a bridge into the river beneath the moonlight.”
“Ah,” said Dick, though his eyes met Clark’s with an
indignant “See?!
Music my alcoholic great aunt would kill herself to, did I lie?”
“Poison Ivy invaded your bachelor party,” Clark
reminded him lightly.
“Ironically, it’s only the great playboy here whose send-off isn’t going to
land us all in trouble.”
“It’s a little early to say that,” Dick warned, as the
radio’s passionate wail reached a new plateau of anguish, and then subsided.
“No, we’re going to be fine,” he amended.
“We’re not here for the enka,” Bruce said with a nod to
Morinaga, to which the barman returned a broad smile, an enthusiastic nod
and the hiss and smoke of the fryer behind him.
“We’re here because Morinaga-san makes the finest okonomiyaki in
Japan,” Bruce concluded.
Morinaga Shunsuke bowed, with a proud grin. “No, no,
Osaka is better,” he said in English, “Osaka is origin city of good
okonomiyaki.”
“Of course,” Bruce replied, with a knowing glint in his
eye, “Mr. Morinaga moved here from Osaka when he was twenty-three and
brought his family recipe with him. What
you’re about to taste, gentlemen, is hands down the finest okonomiyaki in
Japan.”
“Wayne-san, you speak too kindly,” said Morinaga, but
Bruce only bowed his head to him slightly and lifted his glass.
“How’d you find this place?” said Clark.
“Wayne-san has been coming here for many years,” said
Morinaga, his back turned, his gravelly voice competing with the next enka
classic on the radio and with the hiss of cooking okonomiyaki, steam rising
in puffs from the plate, “Since he was very young man.”
Bruce almost smiled.
There was a thoughtful distance in his gaze before he turned it back
to his company. Clark, his best
friend. Dick, his son in all the ways
that mattered. He hadn’t said
the words, assuming they’d guessed, but it was time to remedy that.
“I studied at a dojo not far from here,” he said
mildly. “It… was still fresh,
then. The anger and grief.
Especially the anger, my first days
on the mat brought it all back to the surface.
And the years since the alley, the emptiness of the manor, the
absence of them, being alone in a strange city brought that back
too. It was everywhere, inescapable.
It made everything feel...bigger.”
“You were very quiet man, first time you came,” said
Morinaga, wiping sweat from his brow on his bare forearm. “Not like most
Americans. Especially tourist.”
Bruce chuckled. “I
was lost. Like a lot of young men, I
was convinced that all I needed was a wise old sensei to teach me the arts
and I’d find the path of my life.”
“And did you?” Clark prompted.
“Not the way I imagined,” Bruce drummed his fingers on
his glass and leaned back, staring at the ceiling.
“It was my first time in Tokyo.
The city felt too big, despite all the close alleys.
Empty, despite all the crowds.
I’d left to get away from that feeling of hugeness, the silence at
the manor, and ended up somehow just… finding the world to be a bigger
manor. I didn’t find any wise
master on a mountaintop. Instead
I stumbled into this place, completely by chance.”
“And he ate so much okonomiyaki,” said Morinaga. “I
thought ‘this is not good for young man’s health’.
This is the okonomiyaki eating of
despair.”
Dick held in a laugh, putting the pieces together.
“And this is your sensei?”
“In many ways, Morinaga-san is my first sensei, yes,”
Bruce said, “Others taught me the things I’d come seeking.
But this man taught me the first important lessons I learned after
leaving Gotham. A significant
part of my journey and part of my life started right here, with a
sympathetic stranger and a plate of okonomiyaki.”
“See,” Morinaga laughed, pointing his spatula over the
bar at his well-dressed guest, “I tell you, he is too kind.
Now, sumimasen—” he deftly slid the flat, round pancakes of
egg, flour, bacon and cabbage onto plates and slid them in front of the
three men. “The food is ready.
Douzo.”
“Itadakimasu,”
said Bruce.
A
half hour of steaming egg batter and seaweed and thin-sliced pork belly
deliciousness later, the three travelers sat in a kind of religious silence,
staring into their golden beers and, at most, nodding slowly.
Bruce was indeed correct; Mr. Morinaga was an absolute master of his
craft.
Suddenly, Clark’s eyes flicked up and to the west wall.
Into the silence came a sound; an intrusion of clipping narrow shoes
on the cobble. And a face
manifesting at the doorway..
“Hey, Bruce, this place is hard to find,” said Edward
Nigma, poking his head into the bar, “And finding the three of you here like
zen monks in a temple is a puzzle indeed.”
The Bat-scowl froze Bruce’s features. “Nigma. You can’t
be here,” he said, though the impossible arrival had already come through
the door and was barreling down on them with unnerving perkiness.
“Your best man needs no introduction,” he said to
Clark. “Mr. Kent, Edward Nigma.
Rewarding number of question marks on your book cover,” offering his
hand, then turned to Dick. “And Mr.
Grayson, had the pleasure of looking in on your wedding.
Beat the Wayne Manor curse, well done.
Edward Nigma.”
“Consider your next words very carefully, Ed,” Dick
said, “What the hell are you doing here?”
Nigma thrust up a finger, off the baffled faces of the three, “Gentlemen, I
am not here for hostility, and I regret having to intrude on what’s
obviously a private party. I
need a few minutes with the groom, that’s all.
Then I’ll crawl off to my one-step-above-a-capsule hotel, sleep off
my jetlag and perhaps go spy some Harajuku fashion or pick up some new tech
in Akihabara tomorrow. I’ll be
completely out of your perfectly coiffed hero hair, pinkie swear.”
“How
did you find us?” Clark managed, blinking.
“Don’t ask him, it will only prolong the conversation,” Bruce said while
Nigma chirped “Riddle me this, when is a bachelor party in Dubai not
a bachelor party in Dubai?”
After a round of eye contact out of
The Good, the Bad and the Ugly, Bruce quietly stood and bowed to
Morinaga-san before turning his gaze on Nigma. “You have five minutes,” he
said.
“Five minutes and two requests beforehand—”
“No.”
“Simple ones, Bruce, simple ones.
One…” he winced, “Look you really needed to hear this
from me, but I want your absolute
promise, pre-emptively, that you will not, and I cannot reiterate this
strongly enough, break my legs again.
Or any other limb or appendage.
No ruptured organs either, please, I need those.
Like I said I’m not here to fight, and I came here with the very best
of intentions…”
Bruce grabbed Nigma by the collar and started to drag him from the bar.
“What did you do?”
“Second… second, second! Before
we go!” Nigma wriggled as close to Morinaga as he still could, “Biru
hittotsu, kudasai… I’m going to need it.”
Warily, Mr. Morinaga passed him a bottle of Asahi from
the fridge.
“Put it on my tab, Morinaga-san.
And I apologize for this,” Bruce said stonily, and then the two were
gone, Bruce crowding Eddie down the narrow alleyway outside the bar like a
pair of drunken gaijin
stumbling back to a hotel after a night out on the big town.
“Well?”
Bruce asked when they reached a secluded spot.
“Do you want
to hear how I found you?” Eddie asked impishly.
“Edward, understand that I am taking this time to share a quiet drink with
my son and my best friend in a place that is significant to me.
All I want from you is to state your business and go away so I can
get back to it.”
“You’re already mad,” Eddie sighed, “Listen, I have your wedding present.
I wanted to give it to you when Selina’s not around, you know how
women are.”
“I thought the hashtags were your gift,” Bruce said.
“My gift is taking care of the other rogues so you
don’t have to worry about it.
The hashtags covered all but your biggest problem,
Brucie.
You can’t pretend you don’t know who I mean, and you can’t have
forgotten what he did at the Pelacci-Marcuso wedding and that bit about
giving the bride away.”
“I’m equipped to handle him.”
“Since when?
Nobody handles him, nobody’s equipped to handle him.
So I took care of it.”
“Edward…” Bruce’s fists creaked.
“We had an agreement on the leg-breaking, right?
Witnesses, multinational—”
“...what did you
do to J—?”
Before he could speak the name, a bloodied man came
skidding around the corner and clipped the pair of them, leaving a smear of
red on Nigma’s arm as he recovered, stumble-running a few more steps until
he gained full speed, and finally collapsing outside
Morinaga’s door. He
would have fallen flat on his face if it was anyone other than Batman and
Riddler that he’d passed, but both men were accustomed to pursuit and
neither paused at the sight of blood.
They reached him as he was going down and caught him under the arm on
each side.
“His
shirt’s bleeding,” Nigma said in English as they helped him inside.
“His
shirt’s not bleeding; he’s
bleeding,” Bruce corrected.
“I
told you we shouldn’t have left them alone,” Dick said to Clark, as Clark
said “What’s th—” and Morinaga cried “Yuuto!”
“This is Yuuto, my brother Riku’s boy,” he told Bruce
in Japanese.
“It’s his nephew,” Bruce told the others, while Eddie
had taken a small kit from his jacket and was using a thin probe to pull
blood-soaked cloth from the wound.
“That doesn’t look so bad,” he said like an expert, and
then in Japanese asked Morinaga for vodka and napkins.
He turned back to his patient and said “Well actually it
looks terrible, but it’s not as
bad as it looks. Nice bit of
wordplay in English, doesn’t translate, and you wouldn’t care anyway because
nobody wants a pun when they’ve got O-negative on the outside.”
“What are you talking about?” Dick asked, disgusted.
“We should take him to a hospital,” Clark said.
“Nobody goes running to their uncle’s bar if they’re
clear to go to a hospital,” Eddie answered.
“You can’t see this guy is scared?”
Yuuto had just enough English to follow what was being
said from the tone and he agreed
vehemently—vehemently enough to start the blood flowing, and it took
Bruce agreeing with Eddie in Japanese to calm him down.
By now, Morinaga had brought the vodka and as Eddie expertly cleaned
the wound, Yuuto told his story, principally to his uncle, though Bruce
occasionally cut in with a question and translated in snippets:
“He works in a hotel in Ōtemachi, the business
district. It’s like Tokyo’s Wall
Street; a lot of offices, corporate HQs, thick with skyscrapers.
Not a lot of hotels compared to other parts of town.
The few there are, they’re very high end.
He says men came in today.
Into the staff area. The
kitchen and break room. Closed
them off… Nobody else could come
in, nobody could leave… He says they were Yakuza… This would happen
sometimes when he worked in Shinjuku.
You’d go into work one day, boss would be at the door and say ‘Go
home, you can’t come in.’ It
would happen in Shinjuku, doesn’t happen in Chiyoda.
It doesn’t happen in Ōtemachi…”
There was an ominous clap of thunder outside,
punctuating the word like a radio play.
“He says they didn’t care about us, the kitchen staff.
Just told them to stand by the wall... They brought in the doorman.
A girl from the front desk.
Then an older man from the front desk, one at a time they brought
them in… Itsuki, who he knows;
he works at the concierge desk.
And Sora who works in the lobby bar…
One at a time, they take them through the kitchen into the break
room. They take them past the
knives. Sometimes they pick one
up and take it in with them… Few minutes later, they come out again.
White. Scared.
No blood but white and scared and shaking… Finally they go.
These Yakuza, they left and he ran out to see his friend, this
Itsuki… But the Yakuza hadn’t
gone. They were still in the
lobby. They saw Yuuto and Itsuki talking… Grabbed Yuuto, beat him up.
‘You don’t see anything, you don’t know anything, we were never
here.’”
“I think we can all fill in from there,” Eddie told
him. “Those conversations never
have much variety.”
The heroes gave Eddie a nasty look but Yuuto nodded
gratefully and managed a smile.
Bruce drew Morinaga into
the corner where they talked quietly.
After a minute he waved Clark over and Dick followed.
A minute later Eddie joined them.
“If
the question you guys are debating is whether you should suspend the wild
bucks’ night and look into this, the answer is yes.
‘Cause the Yakuza boys took his wallet,” he reported.
“That means if anything goes wrong with whoever/whatever they were
asking about, it’s going to come back to him and his buddy and they both end
up in the tuna nets with the dolphins.”
“Since when do you care?” Dick snapped.
Eddie pointed to the smear of Yuuto’s blood on his jacket.
“That’s his. There is an
obligation, which I am discharging like any lucid person who’s been
bled on. I am pointing
out what you should already know unless you’re all drunker than you appear:
Yakuza were asking questions about somebody booked into that hotel because
something is going down connected to that person, and if that thing does not
play out exactly the way they want, the dumbest
oyabun going will figure Yuuto’s
buddy told him something and he went and talked to… to
people like you, which he kind of
has.
Since what they’ll all assume he’s told you could very likely get him
killed, it’s probably a good idea if you actually find out what it is.”
“This might be the Yebisu talking, but he has a point,” Dick
admitted.
Near the Imperial Palace Gardens, another patch of
lush, beautiful greenery flanks the entrance to a 40-story glass tower.
It would appear small in any other part of the world, but in the
ultra-expensive business district where every square foot of real estate
must pay its way, leaving even that tiny area undeveloped is a wild
extravagance.
The building is principally an office tower, the hotel
occupying only the top six floors.
Its tiny receiving lobby on the ground floor appears like a tranquil
oasis, apart from the city.
Earthy hues with the creamy-golden glow of indirect lighting, bonsai tree
against a shoji screen, a world apart from the noise and bustle of the
street. The main lobby on the
33rd floor is reached by special elevators that complete the feel of escape
from noise, grime, and worry into an alternate reality of calm, balance, and
peace. Under a 90-foot ceiling
of washi rice paper (designed to suggest a shoji lantern but to some
suggesting The Matrix,) a water pond, rock gardens and ikebana flower
arrangements are placed to convey a sense of timelessness and harmony.
In the midst of this, an older woman sat alone on the
most comfortable of the sofas near the window.
From a distance she appeared about sixty, though if you got closer
her eyes made it hard to tell.
She was dressed in a very expensive business suit, perfectly fitted, yet
there was a maternal plumpness that kept her from looking chic.
The whole idea of fashion seemed too artificial somehow.
Though the deep sofa was made for lounging, she sat upright, her legs
crossed at the ankles like the grand duchess of another age receiving
visitors. She was poised but not
stiff, dignified but not proud.
And when she looked out at the city, she exuded warmth and contentment.
She’d ordered tea, which was just arriving and drew her
attention from the two men she’d been studying.
Two men at odds with the zen-like atmosphere of the lobby.
Something about them radiated… agitation.
It buzzed around them so that even now that they’d settled in the
lobby bar, even at this great distance, it disturbed her.
Like a hive. It sat over
there, tense and restless. An
errant bee flying out now and then and chittering, then returning to its den
but apt to return at any time.
It was not… as it should be. The
air was not as it should be while those men continued to exist in her field
of vision…
In the bar, Fifth Fang and Second had no idea they did
not blend invisibly into their surroundings.
Both skilled assassins, trained to be shadows, they were disciplined
and detached, their unwavering focus clamping down on any visible sign of
stress.
And stress there was.
Jaxon Valdorcia was late.
It was thirty-eight minutes past the meeting time.
They should be in his room right now, inspecting the Masakado head.
“How long do we wait?” asked Second.
“As long as it takes.
Anything could have delayed him.
He’s a professional. Most
likely, he is being cautious.” A
long rumble of thunder went unnoticed by most in the tranquil lobby, but
Fifth was one of the few who glanced at the window.
“Besides, I wouldn’t be in any hurry
to go out into that.”
The force of the downpour was not as present as it would
have been in daylight, but even against the night sky he could see
near-opaque sheets of rain blurring the distant lights.
He could imagine the harsh whistle of winds and the clacking of
windows being buffeted in their frames, and the chill of that punishing wind
cutting through whoever was so unfortunate as to be out there.
“Yeah, it’s a Wayne party; should have seen this
coming,” Eddie said as the four men crowded under a few feet of cover while
the wind blew every bicycle in sight against its chain, tore advertising
flyers off their posts and turned any errant bit of litter into flying
shrapnel. “Do it in Japan,
you’re gonna get a tsunami.”
“Get ready to move,” Bruce barked.
“Cloudbursts like this don’t last long.
If we keep up the pace, we can get there ahead of the rain.”
Their goal was a McDonalds near the train station that
closed at nine and became a known pick-up spot for prostitutes.
The men came to a stop across the street, happily ahead of the rain,
for they had no idea where the girls might go to wait out the storm.
With a wrist-flick of a street magician, Bruce’s hand
contained a 5 000 yen note held in front of Eddie’s nose.
“Get what we need,” he ordered.
When Nigma hesitated, Bruce went on “They’re both married, I’m
getting married, and you’re here.
Get what we need.”
“Fine,” Eddie said, taking the bill in disgust and
adding ‘wusses’ under his breath as he stepped away.
He approached the women, talked for a minute, there was
pointing down the street, and he returned with a satisfied grin.
“Pimp is an older woman, should be in that bar with the pink sign,
sometimes watching through the window.
The protection is in that steep stairwell next to the shop with the
green awning.”
There was a loud clap of thunder and, knowing their
time was short, they quickly debated starting with ‘the protection’ or the
pimp. In the course of the cross
talk, Bruce’s eyes met Clark’s more than once…
Wally and Kyle had returned to their suite.
The party was fun for a while, until the third time one of their
League signals was mistaken for a coke signal and they were passed “the
bag.” Eel was occupied, so
they’d let him be. He’d met a
model of the type that existed exclusively on Instagram and in magazines—or
so they thought. Apparently
these wild and exotic creatures not only existed in nature, they wandered
free range through Bruce Wayne parties.
Their brains collectively shorted out.
There was no way to reconcile this—any of this—with the grim, inflexible and all-knowing hard ass they
knew in the Justice League. They
didn’t know Bruce Wayne—though the
muscle memory of Kyle’s time as the jetsetting artist Kyray threatened a
Dutch accent when he found himself talking about his work with—oh God—with
the topless girl from the blue jeans
ad.
He, Kyle Rayner, was talking to the Guess Jeans girl.
Eel had slunk off to a corner to suck face with the girl from the
Gucci perfume ads— none of them could say how they came to be at this party,
it wasn’t possible they were
Bruce Wayne’s special guests at
the party of the decade at the Burj al—And Wally was probably left fidgeting
with his wedding ring, so a pal really should go find him and— and—
Kyle had looked around, and saw Wally was not fidgeting
but looking with contempt at the liquor bottles displayed on one particular
bar at the far end of the party.
Wally being the least snobbish person he knew, Kyle went to investigate.
This smaller bar was apparently where the very select,
outrageously expensive liquors were being offered, and Wally’s disgust was
for a tequila which owed its ridiculous price tag to the
bottle more than its contents.
He said he pitied the rich, so desperate to drop a bundle on a drink
but not knowing how to do it.
Then his eyes twinkled, he ‘flashed out’ for a split-second that wasn’t
exactly visible to the eye, but Kyle was used to it so he knew what was
happening. When he ‘returned,’
he gestured with a speed-blur finger-tip, and Kyle followed back to the
elevator.
A half hour later, they were back in their suite having
the night of their lives watching IP Man on their oversized TV screen… when
Eel came in. They pointed to the
selection of films they had racked up: Commando, Predator, John Wick…
Tried and true boys’ night fare, but not quite enough
to justify passing up the opportunity to press the Fashion Week flesh and
being so darned happy about it.
…“Remember how Monaghan spent half of last year trying
to get us to call him Baba Yaga?”...
Yes, Eel remembered, but it still didn’t compete with
these women who spend, like, 80% of their waking hours in nightclubs.
Did Kyle and Wally not know what happens when you get those women on
the dance floor? They have
moves!
… “and the concierge is trying to find Old Boy in the
original Korean.”
That… was impressive, Eel admitted, but still.
The Gucci perfume girl had her hands
under his shirt.
She pinched a nipple—she actually put her fingers under his shirt and
pinched—
Kyle held his hand high over his head as like a rock
star signaling the crowd, and a lantern energy liquor cabinet materialized
between their chairs. Wally took
over the explanation in words:
“A pre-prohibition bottle of Old No. 7 whiskey—that’s
bourbon if you need to be told such things—plucked from the time stream in
1896 when it was made, eh, probably 30 years prior, give or take, by one
Jasper Newton Daniel, more commonly known as
Jack.”
“You… used Speed Force, to zip through time and pick up
a bottle of Jack Daniels made by Jack
Daniels, aged 30 years,” Eel said in awe.
“That one is
Don Lunas Grand Reserve 10-year aged tequila,” Wally continued as if he
hadn’t been interrupted. “Not
old by whiskey standards, but trust me, it is something special.
Now that one—”
He looked at Kyle quizzically, which one is that?
“I couldn’t let him off thinking he’s the only one that
can make a liquor run in the time stream,” Kyle explained and pointed to the
first bottle. “World War I,
bottle of Rhum Clement from the old creole sugarcane plantation in Le
Francois, Martinique, it’s not a bad attempt, but it is something Bruce
could pick up at auction, which defeats the whole idea.
This one…” a golden-green
halo began to glow around the remaining bottle, and Kyle’s voice took on the
deep quiver in which proud fathers speak of their children “…is a Barbados
Private Estate dark rum from The Year of Our Lord 1780.
Behold. And then
be-holding a glass and pour some.”
The level of Yakuza thug assigned as protective muscle
on an insignificant street far from the red light district isn’t exactly the
A-team. The guy wrote off four
dripping wet gaijin the moment he saw them.
When one approached the girls and then returned to the huddle, it
wasn’t cause for concern. He
watched them, but not with concern.
The only question was if they could pay, and the girls knew what to
do if there was any doubt.
The thunder was the biggest worry.
It was getting louder, and suddenly there was a loud crack and an
explosion of white. The
streetlight in front of his stairwell erupted into a hail of sparks and he
ran out with a yelp through a shower of red glowing dots, hitting his hair,
his jacket, his hand—and burning flesh in the second it took to flick off.
Before he knew what was happening, something—an arm—was around his
shoulders, half guiding-half pulling him along.
In a burble of English, the Japanese words for ‘lightning’ and ‘fire’
popped out, and then suddenly, the burbling stopped and he was surrounded by
the rain-soaked gaijin—who seemed concerned more than drunk or hostile.
And it turned out they spoke passable Japanese.
Neither his hair nor his jacket had caught fire, but
their concern was understandable.
Being that close to a lightning strike was a dramatic thing, and it
was actually pretty nice of them to rush in and help him get clear that way.
There was also more thunder, long rumbles unlike the loud clap that
came with the lightning strike but threatening a deluge to come… and maybe
it was the thunder, but the rescue party suddenly didn’t seem that nice.
Three surrounded him, the fourth stood in front fingering a tempting
roll of cash. He croaked a
question in a voice out of a nightmare, and an answer came tumbling out of
his mouth as a reflex—another question and “the Nigerians in
Kabukicho”—another and “Love/Pain in Roppongi”— another— crackle of thunder.
Another crackle of thunder and he was alone again, holding a 5000 yen
note.
MAYFAIR
CARTE DES ETOILES
Haute couture, or ‘high sewing,’ dates back to the
court of Louis XVI (and more importantly, of Marie Antoinette) though it
wasn’t formalized in France until, ironically, the English born Charles
Worth opened a Paris atelier in 1858 and soon founded the
Chambre Syndicale de la Couture
Parisienne to regulate and codify the craft where the most gifted
designers from Coco Chanel to Cristobal Balenciaga would display their art.
Couture became synonymous with garments made entirely
by hand and of the very best materials, and created by the most accomplished
craftspeople who complete a twelve year apprenticeship before being
considered full-fledged seamstresses and tailors. Garments are fitted to a
client’s shape and then sent to workshops for the incredibly intricate
embroidery, beading or feathering which takes three to four months or more.
No more than ten examples of any
particular design are made, and it has been estimated that there are no more
than 4,000 haute couture clients in the world.
One of these is Selina Kyle, long time companion and
soon to be wife of Gotham’s Bruce Wayne.
It was therefore shocking, though perhaps not surprising, that the
tabloid eager to strip her of every semblance of her true background has
alleged everything from the black lace pilfered by the Harry Potter
franchise from the 2008 runway of Alexander McQueen to Ms. Kyle herself
doing the pilfering from a Gotham dress shop.
As if any woman known to Couture Week in Paris was
unaware such garments are built to
the body of the wearer requiring numerous alterations and fittings.
Miss Kyle’s patience with these slurs is the truest testament to her
breeding, but the rest of us need not be silent.
For the edification of those inventing these stories,
accustomed no doubt to the outlet malls of Bludhaven and imagining the
(alleged) theft of Rembrandts and rubies would equate to the stealing of a
dress, let us provide more informed speculation:
The future Mrs. Wayne would have begun with a visit to
her designer, most probably before the engagement was made public.
Fashion houses keep their clients’ secrets as scrupulously as a
doctor, and there is not a moment to be wasted as the work will take months
to complete…
“’…and while couture houses never speak of the price,’”
Lois read aloud, “’any more than they bandy the names of their customers,
these are the wedding gowns of royals and billionaires.
To reach a likely amount, take the price tag offered by the tabloid
scribblers, double it, and then add a zero.’
My God, the prose is
painful!”
“Reowrl,” Doris said, making a cat scratch motion.
“It may not be the AP Style Guide, Lois, but he’s sure got the claws
out on Selina’s behalf. I say
more power to him.”
Lois set down the magazine and picked up her daiquiri.
The women were seated around their villa’s infinity pool, surrounded
by towering palm trees, hibiscus and wild orchids.
“Easy for you to say, you didn’t have to read it out
loud,” Lois laughed, her judgment tempered by the cool, soothing drink.
“Not to mention dancing with him,” Selina added,
remembering the rumba at the engagement party.
“And dodging him through
the museum, that’s only fun with hunky crimefighters.”
“I would’ve thought you’d be happy.
Somebody’s finally punching back against the Post,” Doris said with a
wicked smile.
“I punch back fine,” Selina said.
“Remember Cat-Tales?”
“Yeah but now you’re not
alone; isn’t that a good thing?”
Selina didn’t answer, she just glanced at Lois who said
“Well I’m grateful anyone is laying into the so-called reporters making up this
nonsense, but I still don’t see how anyone can get through his books.”
“You get used to it.
Like ceviche,” Doris said, then she turned to Selina.
“Speaking of, where’s Anna?
I haven’t seen her since lunch.”
“She’ll be back, she’s trying to find out who that guy
was, when we got on the ferry.”
“The smoking hot one checking you out?” Lois teased.
“Neither of us think it’s because he’s into leggy
brunettes. He didn’t look twice
at you, Lois. Just me and Anna,
the fence and the thief.”
The commercial areas of Roppongi were dark and still,
but the night was just getting started in the bar-nightclub-strip
club-hostess club-cabaret areas.
Every third usher, barker, and salesman identified Clark Kent as the
quintessential tourist, and he was shown Polaroids of the beautiful girls
dancing at a club right down the street.
The storm had been and gone in this part of town, a smell of charred wood
and a dead neon sign indicating where the lightning had hit.
The foursome found their way to Love/Pain without much trouble.
There were a few Western faces in the crowd, but not many.
The club obviously didn’t seek out Western tourists like some places,
but it seemed to welcome those who found it because they were brought by a
local.
Near the door, Bruce, Clark, Dick and Eddie stood
together looking up at a stripper dancing on a low table while some other
newcomers squeezed past.
“Apparently you can thigh-fuck her,” one of them
announced... “Like dry humping?”
“Yeah” “Right up there on the table?” “I suppose.” “More like knee-fuck
her.” …and they were gone.
While Bruce, Dick and Clark argued who was going to
pony up and cause a disruption, Eddie noticed a small square on one of the
posters by the door. His phone
was out and he scanned it as the argument raged on:
“From what happened on the street, it’s clear Clark
gives off a vibe. He should do it.”
“I may have a look.
That’s different from a vibe, and it’s why I
shouldn’t do it.
They won’t be expecting anything from me.
It will seem more natural from one of you—”
“Exactly. Never give them
what they expect.” “The element
of surprise isn’t a plus here.”
“I got this,” Eddie said, brushing past them and
walking quietly up to the girl.
He didn’t unzip, merely beckoned with a fingertip for her to bend down and
then whispered something.
She nodded, glanced at Bruce and the others, and
stepped off the table.
“C’mon, we’re in,” he announced happily, as she waved
for them to follow and led the way to a backroom.
“What did you—” Bruce started to ask, when Eddie cut
him off.
“Password,” he said, flashing his phone which displayed
the club’s website. “QR-code on
the banner over there led me to it.
The whole site is Lorem ipsum text, y’know, the placeholder stuff.
‘Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet,
consectetur adipisicing elit.’
Except for right there.
Kin Gorudo.
I figured that’s the password.”
Bruce grunted, and they were led into the back room
where a manager, presumably a low level boss, sat with two young toughs
behind him and a third who came forward to search the newcomers—but shrank
back by a four-headed wave of death glares that caused his stomach to drop,
his muscles to seize, and the blood to drain from his face.
The boss merely smirked at his failure.
“My English is not probably up to task of what you will
speak asking about,” he said pleasantly.
“That’s not a problem at all.
We’ll speak in Japanese,” Bruce said swiftly in that language, and
with perfect pronunciation and inflection.
A blur of questions and answers followed, during which
Eddie leaned over to Clark and whispered:
“It’s from Cicero, you know.”
Clark looked down on him warily, but he continued
without encouragement:
“The Lorem ipsum thing.
‘Neque porro quisquam est qui
dolorem ipsum quia dolor sit amet, consectetur, adipisci velit.’”
“Mhm,” Clark managed, deciding it was one of those
bizarre moments that happened with Gothamites where politeness was the best
course.
“It’s from Cicero.
It means ‘There is no one who loves pain itself, who seeks after it
and wants to have it, simply because it is pain.’
Just imagine, 2000 years ago there were people so messed up,
something like that needed to be said out loud.
2000 years later—” he nodded like the stupidity of the masses was an
in-joke with his new friend “—still just as messed up.”
“Why are you talking?” said Dick.
“Oh I’m sorry, am I interrupting your enjoyment of the
Kurisawa movie without subtitles,” Eddie said, gesturing to the other
conversation.
Before Dick could respond, there was an abrupt
jolt—under the floor and rattling objects on the desk.
“What was—” Dick started to say as a more persistent
vibration began and continued for several seconds.
The boss had stood and his men were filing out the door as calmly as
if it were a fire drill when, almost four seconds into the tremors, it
stopped.
“Was that what I think it was?” said Dick, alarmed.
“What do you call a gin mixer in Silicon Valley?” said
Eddie reflexively, amazed at the natives’ complete lack of concern.
“Let’s go, we’ve got what we need,” said Bruce, leading
them out.
As they left the club, Clark rejoined them, stepping in
from the side.
“Techtonic,” Eddie said dully, answering his earlier
riddle but staring at Clark, confused.
“Weren’t you just…”
Clark cut him off with a homespun smile.
“An earthquake is what we call breaking news, Mr. Nigma,” he said,
holding up his phone.
Bruce changed the subject with what he learned: the man
the Yakuza were looking for was Jax, aka Jaxon Valdorcia, the Australian cat
burglar.
After a remark from Eddie that “your night keeps
getting better and better” which led to Dick swatting him on the back of the
head, there was a brief debate on Bruce making a two-minute call to Selina
that could save them hours chasing
their tails around Tokyo versus the
monumentally stupid idea of calling the bride in the middle of your
bachelor night. The ground shook
again, as if the Earth itself was casting a vote in favor of the call.
The prospect of chasing their tails around a
tectonically unstable Tokyo was even less appealing than doing it in
a thunder storm.
That led to a new discussion of the time zones: Selina
would be in the middle of her real bachelorette party, a spa weekend of
ultimate indulgence on a private island in Jumby Bay—as was Doris and
Lois—and none of the three ladies’ partners could agree if the island was an
hour ahead of Gotham or behind, which would be two hours ahead of Metropolis
(or not) and how that related to their time in Japan, and how waking her,
catching her at breakfast or interrupting a sunrise massage ranked on the
list of things that would get you off to a bad start...
Bruce found a quiet place to make the call—while the
thugs who’d followed them from the strip club watched.
It was the perfect time to strike.
Jo, the youngest and greenest of the three, who also happened to be
the biggest, took the lone man who spoke Japanese and was silly enough to
separate from his friends. Riku,
Ogura, and Sando would take the other three.
Since Bruce was isolated, Jo’s fate was sealed in under
a second. The block and takedown
were nearly simultaneous and Bruce had checked that his phone hadn’t been
damaged and was performing his post-battle neck-stretch before Jo’s
colleagues even reached their targets.
That scene was slightly more complicated, since Eddie
gallantly tried to escort civilian Kent away from the violence—leaving the
junior bat to handle the three hulking brutes, which was of course his job
more than Edward Nigma’s—while Clark tried to help Dick by keeping Nigma’s
back to the fight. The chaos and
crossed purposes drew that fight out for nine seconds.
A minute later, Bruce returned.
He glanced at the heap of unconscious Yakuza muscle and then looked
at Dick.
“Three,” said Dick.
“One,” said Bruce.
“Nine,” said Dick.
“One,” said Bruce.
Dick’s eyes flicked to Nigma and Clark as if to say
“Well I had an audience,” and Bruce grunted.
Then he laid out his leads:
This thief hunt was almost certainly taking place
before the heist.
The thief was probably hired by a third party unconnected to the
Yakuza. Ōtemachi is filled with
corporate headquarters. Jax started
in the Australian S.I.S., the kind of talent you’d bring in for a very high
security target. The Yakuza
somehow got wind of it (possibly because he had to acquire special equipment
once he got here) and figured whatever he was brought in for, it was too
valuable a prize to let anyone make off with without paying a cut.
“Boy, she’s something, isn’t she?” Eddie said, bursting
with pride.
Bruce shot him a look that was… not quite the
judgmental disgust of the crimefighter.
His lip twitched. Then he
said:
“Now that we know who we’re looking for and why, we can
investigate the hotel.”
The beautiful people had gone.
The shamisen player had packed up for the night.
The lobby itself was timeless, still projecting that zen-like
atmosphere that existed apart from the world with its lunchtime rushes and
checkout times, early risers and night owls.
But time still existed with its ebb and flow.
The crowd was now sparse, it defied easy categories, and it presented
a difficult problem for four westerners in search of answers.
“Okay, we’re here.
Where do we start?” Dick asked, unmoved by the tranquil beauty that
awed most visitors.
Clark suggested the staff.
Bruce analyzed the traffic patterns, the sightlines, the exits, and
the spot in the lounge that offered an ideal location to sit quietly and
observe. If anyone had installed
themselves there for an hour, nursing a scotch…
“What about her?” Eddie suggested.
Nodding slightly and with a polite smile to a plump, older woman in
an elegant business suit, seated alone.
“She’s been watching us since we came in.”
He was ignored.
Bruce agreed with Clark, but rather than questioning “the staff”
generally, he wanted to begin with the bartender in
that lounge and any wait staff
still on duty there.
Unfortunately, the servers were gone and the bartender was only a half-hour
into his shift. But he did
mention “Mrs. Ami” as he fumbled with a package and extracted small green
balls dusted with sugar, which he arranged on a plate with similar white
ones.
Mrs. Ami, he said, is a regular.
On the evenings she’s in the lobby, she would be there for hours.
If anyone could tell them about the comings and goings, it would be
her.
“Told ya,” Eddie said under his breath, while Dick
grinned about “the Japanese Miss Marple.”
The bartender set the plate of sweets onto a tray with
a pot of tea and said it was for her, if one of the gentlemen wanted to take
it to her… Eddie had already picked up the tray without waiting for a
consensus and the others started to follow, almost as if to keep an eye on
him in case he was a bewitched child on his way into the witch’s gingerbread
house—when Clark grabbed Bruce’s elbow.
“Problem with a train in Kashiwa,” he whispered.
“Probably caused by the quake.
I may be a while.”
Bruce nodded and Clark was gone.
When he caught up with Dick, Eddie was serving the woman expertly,
addressing her as Ami-san and asking if the green daifuku were flavored with
green tea.
“They are.
They serve western sweets here, as a rule, but I am a very good customer and
they indulge me,” Ami was saying as she then looked up at the new arrivals
before including one in her remarks.
“You speak Japanese very well for an American,” she said to Eddie,
though she was looking at Bruce.
“As does Wayne-san,” she added with a nod. “I
remember your, what was it called, ‘town hall’ for stockholders late last
year, and you spoke at the Economics Summit some years before that.”
She switched to English as she said “Welcome back to Tokyo.
I’m sure you find it more agreeable than Dubai.”
Her smile was warm with good-humor and maternal
indulgence, and Bruce cleared his throat, seemingly embarrassed.
He said he hoped she would be discreet with the information, and she
told him not to worry. “In this
lobby I’m afraid there is the
possibility of a CEO of a multi-national being recognized, but those who do
know Bruce Wayne by sight wouldn’t dream of snapping a picture or tweeting
about it.”
She asked them to sit, offered tea and explained about
the sweets which Americans know as mochi.
The white rice cakes stuffed with red bean paste were the originals
while the green, “as your clever friend guessed,” are flavored.
A relatively modern innovation.
The rice cake is flavored with green tea and the filling has white
cream in addition to the red bean paste…
Gracious hostessing dispensed with, her manner returned
to that of a charming business woman:
“Now I gather you have questions,” she said amiably.
“But before I answer yours, I have a question of my own about the
dreadful weather out there. What
did you make of it?”
She took in every detail about the rain and lightning,
and projected worse to come if there was flooding or if the lightning took
out electricity for any substantial part of the city.
The earthquake, even if they didn’t feel much here in Tokyo, could
have been more severe elsewhere.
Halting factory lines in key industrial areas, bursting water mains…
“Look, I realize a lot of ‘business’ amounts to
thinking through contingencies,” Dick broke in uncomfortably, looking from
Ami to Bruce and back again.
“But I don’t see what the benefit is to listing—”
“To say nothing,” Ami said with calm insistence, “of
what the markets will do when they open if this situation is not resolved.”
“How can a
thunderstorm be resolved?” asked Eddie.
“Or an earthquake,” asked Dick.
“And as for the markets—”
“Japan is what you westerners consider
‘superstitious,’” Ami explained in that same calmly insistent tone.
“Take this neighborhood, for instance, very much like your Fifth
Avenue or Wall Street or… what is that English one called… Kensington.
And yet, did you pass a courtyard as you came here.
You must have, it’s right down the street.
With the stone frogs, four steps up to a shrine, a tall stone marker
with flowers left before it.
Does it not seem strange to you that such an extraordinary piece of real
estate would remain undeveloped?
Well there’s a reason. It’s
because that is ‘The Hill of Masakado's Head.’”
“Come again?” asked Dick.
“Taira no Masakado?” asked Bruce.
Eddie ate one of the green mochi.
“Taira no Masakado, the samurai?” Bruce repeated.
“Arguably the first samurai,” Ami said, nodding to
Bruce. “Though hardly the life
of honor and service the term now implies.
A warrior landowner who quarreled with influential relatives, killed
several in battle, led a rebellion, declared himself emperor…” she sighed.
“And just generally never walked past a fire without pouring gasoline
on it. The theory, I suppose, is
that a raging inferno might create opportunities.
Chaos
creates, though at a dreadful cost.
Masakado was one of those who didn’t mind the cost, since he wouldn’t
be the one paying. The powers
that be caught up with him eventually, he died in battle and was beheaded…
That was not the end of his story.”
“That’s not usually how it works,” said Dick.
“You’d be surprised,” said Eddie, and Bruce shot him a
nasty look, though Ami seemed to regard the interruptions with maternal
indulgence. She continued:
“The government had put a bounty on his head, and that
wasn’t a figure of speech in those days.
The head was sent to Kyoto as a trophy while the body was buried.
The head didn’t care for the arrangement and went flying back to the
small fishing village where Masakado was from, which became Edo and is now
Tokyo.”
“You can’t be serious,” said Eddie.
“A flying samurai head?” said Dick.
“A demon head,”
Eddie whispered through his teeth.
“A literal demon’s head.”
“Ghost head,” Dick countered.
“If we’re being literal.”
“I remember Luthor was trying to get his hands on a
prime lot in Ōtemachi at one time,” Bruce said thoughtfully.
“That would have been this shrine?”
“There have been several attempts to develop the land,” Ami
nodded. “In each case, disturbing the head was followed
by tsunami, flooding, mudslides, typhoons, plague, cyclone, volcanic
eruption or war. In 1923 when
they got as far as taking down the shrine to build a Ministry of Finance, it
was the Great Kanto Earthquake.
Leveled the building and killed the minister.
They restored the shrine.”
“Ready to call him a demon?” Eddie whispered to Dick.
“Are you saying something’s happened to the shrine, and
that caused the storms tonight and the tremors?” Dick asked, ignoring Nigma.
Ami smiled with tolerant affection.
“I am saying that Japan is superstitious.
Today alone in this hotel, a man had a heart attack, another in the
restaurant choked on his steak, there was a kitchen fire and out front on
the street, a woman was hit by a car.
Now, you all are from Gotham, which the world considers a great
metropolis. Is it?
Or is it like Tokyo, a thousand cozy villages laid by side by side
and stacked on top of one another, making up hundreds of distinct
neighborhoods? Ōtemachi is
a village like any back street on Aoshima, and come morning, it will all be
known: the heart attack and the fire and the woman hit by the car.
Together with the quake, and the lightning… Japan is superstitious.
There will be panic in this small, close-knit village—that just
happens to be where the business of the nation is conducted.
“I tell you, gentlemen, if this night continues as it
is going, if the situation is not resolved by morning, I fear the markets
will crash. The stock market,
the currency markets, the economy could collapse.
Compounded with the damage of a quake, or worse to come, the economy
will collapse.
In a day, three or four at the most.
“Masakado is what we call ‘onryo,’ not a demon
exactly,” she directed the last words at Nigma with another tolerant smile,
“but a vengeful murder ghost targeting all his rage on the Imperial Family
of Japan, and therefore on Japan.
Bringing economic ruin would be an effective way to begin a new
assault. What is happening must
be uncovered and dealt with by sunrise.
It simply must. Do you
understand?”
“We don’t, but we don’t have to,” Bruce said.
“Thank you for the extensive information.
May I ask my questions now?”
“We do understand each other,” she said with an
inscrutable smile. “I didn’t
expect that. My office is in
this building. Taiyōsama
Limited, two floors down. You
can find me there when you’ve done all you need to do.”
Bruce pointed out the spot in the lounge that was of
interest, and Ami described the men she’d seen who had lingered there for
quite some time. All three
thought they sounded like Demon, though for different reasons.
As they got up to leave, Clark quietly rejoined the
group as if he’d been standing behind Nigma’s seat all along.
They split up then, Bruce, Clark and Dick questioning a doorman,
bellman and maid respectively while Eddie left a riddle.
It was Dick who found out the man the Yakuza were asking about was in
room 319, a one-bedroom suite, and Clark who learned he was checked in under
the name Mason Vash. Bruce and
Clark went to search the room while Dick returned to the lobby to keep an
eye out for Eddie.
“Don’t say it,” Bruce graveled, sensing Clark’s smile
as he pulled a card from his wallet, coding it with a mysterious swipe
across his watch strap as if he and not Jaxon were the notorious cat
burglar.
“No, uh-hm, not a word,” Clark murmured as Bruce opened
the door.
Bruce then waited as Clark scanned the go-bag, the
drawers… bathroom… and finally declared “He doesn’t stay long.
Doesn’t unpack.
Toiletries in the bathroom are the hotel’s…”
“This isn’t,” Bruce said, pulling a black case
resembling an airline’s amenities kit from the go-bag and unzipping it.
“Not much to search,” Clark said, making his way to the
living room side of the suite.
“Quite large for Tokyo,” Bruce said.
“I meant not much that’s his.
Tourist flyers for Sensoji Temple, Meiji, Nezu…
He does seem very interested in shrines and temples.”
“Might be why he’s here,” Bruce said, bringing the
black case from the bedroom.
“Selina said a likely scenario for winding up on the Yakuza’s radar is
having to get specialty gear after he’d hit town.
Staying in Ōtemachi, he probably assumed he was going to be hitting a
corporate HQ. The gear he
brought,” he waved the case, “would be ideal—infrared paint, black light,
silicone polymer, fast-expanding polystyrene, a
wave cancellation box—but he didn’t take it with him.”
“He comes assuming that’s the job,” Clark nodded.
“And after he gets here, he finds out he’s hitting a temple.
Some of them do have museum quality
security, I suppose, museum quality artefacts.”
“Many do, but not Masakado’s head.”
“Did you say—”
“I’ll explain later,” Bruce said quickly.
“Right now, we need to take advantage of Nigma’s absence.
Fly down the street to the courtyard with stone frogs and a concrete
marker. Give it a good scan.
See if there’s still a human skull buried underneath or if anything’s
been disturbed.”
“A skull.
You know, Bruce, it isn’t necessary to try and ‘top’ my bachelor party.
The thing with the Phantom Zone was just—”
“Get out of here,” Bruce chuckled, and Clark was gone.
Bruce continued to search, pocketing a receipt from the
wastebasket when he heard a noise outside the door—
Eddie knew he had no one to blame but himself.
That was his thought as he charged through the hotel towards room
319, pleased that he’d unearthed the room number but piqued that he found
himself swept up in a Wayne party spiraling towards chaos as they inevitably
do.
He was giving
Batman a wedding gift, what did he expect?
He had compromised the principles of any right-thinking rogue, and
clearly Nemesis had it in for him as a result.
Demon minions—Bruce was Batman and Batman had to know the two men
described by Ami-san were Demon minions—and that was a nasty coincidence at
the very least. He might even
realize they sounded like two “Fangs” from The Gang of Six, and that was a
very nasty coincidence too, if you believed in them, which Eddie didn’t.
Nemesis on the other hand, Nemesis
sticking it to him because he’d compromised the principles of any
right-thinking rogue and gone to such lengths to get Bruce and Selina a nice
gift, that was all too easy to believe.
That’s why he wasn’t sitting happily in his capsule-bed by now,
watching Japanese Netflix and resting up for a full-bore electronics binge
in the morning. That’s why he
was running instead through the kind of hotel ONLY a Bruce Wayne escapade
would uncover, and chasing a story about a flying samura—
He froze.
He’d reached room 319, but before he could begin appraising the lock, the
door opened at the slightest touch—unlatched.
And before he could register—bfwitmp—what that sound was, he saw Bruce hurling a Demon fang to
the ground, holding him down with his foot on the man’s neck while he
twisted another attacker into a vicious human knot, wrenching a knife from
his hand before—oh OUCH, those look even worse than they feel—before
finishing him with one of those punches that make you question if the bone
in your jaw really is harder than the ones in Batman’s fist.
Eddie cleared his throat.
“Yeah, okay. Come the
revolution when they introduce CEO cock fighting, my money’s on you,” he
said flatly.
Bruce looked at him with Hell Month hatred, which Eddie
optimistically chalked up to the adrenaline of the fight.
Still, it wouldn’t hurt to offer an olive branch, so he pointed to
the Demons and named them.
“Second Fang, and Fifth, two of the big shots running
things since Ra’s is up the river.
Or down the ocean, I guess we should say...
Or whatever.”
“And you know
that how?” Bruce asked.
“It’s part of the wedding thing we’ll talk about
later.”
“The wedding
thing involving Joker?
Joker and Demon are
involved in this gift of yours?”
Eddie glanced down at the freshly bat-pummeled men on
the floor and, remembering his broken legs, reiterated that they should talk
later.
“We’ve got this whole flying head thing to work on,
remember? One demon head a time,
I always say.” He pointed.
“You didn’t hit that one so hard.
He’ll be conscious in a minute and we can get some answers.
Or I should say, get confirmation because I’m pretty sure I’ve
figured it out.”
Bruce raised a skeptical eyebrow, which was all the
encouragement Eddie needed.
“These Demon guys are idiots, we can agree on that,
right? Nobody that knows which
end is up needs to be told Ra’s al Ghul is a joke, but these dweebles drink
the Kool-aid, smack their lips and ask for more.
To them ‘The Demon’s Head’ is a big deal, so they assume this
Masakado’s Head is also a big deal.
It’s just how their pinheads operate.
So they hire this hot shit cat burglar in the mistaken belief that
there’s all kinds of elaborate security to get past.
Not, y’know, a box under a hidden panel in the middle of urban
Tokyo.”
Bruce’s lip twitched.
“My theory is along those same lines,” he admitted.
“The French police call Valdorcia
Le Maître Rusé, ‘The Wily Master.’
He brought IR paint, an ocular counterfeiter and
silicone polymer. The
Yakuza got wind of his coming to town—”
“—they make assumptions about what he’s here for.
Decide they want a piece, wet their beak—”
“Yes, of course.
I was focusing on how they got wind of it, possibly because once he
got here and saw the nature of the job, he needed a different kind of
equipment. There’s a receipt in
the waste bin for a hole-saw bit.
Attach that to a silenced drill to bore his way in without attracting
attention—but muzzling a drill isn’t exactly a modification you pick up at a
corner hardware store.”
Eddie stared as Bruce continued thinking out loud in an
intense, contemptuous murmur:
“Assuming the skull’s in a box.
(They wouldn’t just drop a head they’re afraid of into the dirt; it
must be in a box.) Wood would’ve
decomposed long ago, and it is the golden age of Japanese sword-making we’re
talking about. They certainly
had the technology… Best to go in prepared for the steel crates museums use
to ship priceless paintings.
Can’t use a torch; it’ll damage the paintings.
Has to get his hands on a
small, hydraulic cutter.”
“What the hell kind of dates did you and Selina go on?”
Eddie asked, making a face.
“I haven’t confirmed it yet,” Bruce said, ignoring him,
“but judging by the weather, Valdorcia
got the head but neve—”
“Never made it to the hand-off,” Eddie chimed in, happy
to be back on solid ground outside the inner workings of a cat burglar’s
mind. “That’s why these two
numbskulls were downstairs so long waiting for him.
When they figured he wasn’t coming, they found his room somehow and
came up themselves to search,” he concluded, and Bruce grunted.
“Since these two didn’t grab him,” Eddie continued,
“gotta assume it’s the Yakuza that grabbed him and they’ve got the head.
So we’re stuck? Dead
end?”
“Not just yet,” Bruce said slowly.
“Keep an eye on these two.”
He’d taken out his phone as he walked into the bedroom,
and Nigma made a slight ‘whip-crack’ motion and smiled.
It was nothing but yawns for a half-minute after Selina
answered the phone, followed by a sleepy
..::Oh, right, your Tokyo
thing.::..
Bruce wondered about that.
It was over an hour since the first
call and she was wide awake then, but he had more important things to focus
on now:
..:: If the Yakuza got their
hands on a priceless jewel like you’d find in a temple?
Well… They wouldn’t bother cashing out in my opinion.
Just use it as currency on the black
market, for a gun buy probably. Much simpler than having to launder funds.::..
“That’s what I was thinking,” Bruce said quickly.
“Now suppose they got a surprise.
Expecting a valuable jewel, they found themselves with an artifact
instead. Something they couldn’t
identify. Probably valuable,
given how they came by it, but they’re not sure.
With no fence standing by, who would they go to?”
..:: Bruce, the last four
times I was in Tokyo was with you.
It’s—::..
she yawned again.
..::
—been a while. Let me think…
I guess it really depends on who we’re talking about.::..
“Yakuza.”
..:: I know that, but I mean
what level. The little guys
(What are they called? Kyodai?) they’re just going to bump it up if they
know what’s good for them. A regional
boss, second lieutenant, maybe the same.
Shateigashira or
higher… maybe there’s a guy in Ginza.::..
“Forget the Yakuza.
It’s you. Middle of the
night in Tokyo, authorities closing in—”
..::This is me?::..
“Batman’s closing in.”
..:: Kon'nichiwa, Dāku Kishi.
Hoteru ikou.::..
“Something that you
actually consider a threat is
closing in and you need to act quickly.
In the middle of the night, in Tokyo.
Where can you find out what this thing is, get what you can for it
and be rid of it? Where do you
go?”
..:: Okay, um… Yoyogi-Uehara
in Shibuya. There’s, like, a
trendy slow-drip coffee place above a tiny fashion boutique behind a
workshop for tatami mats next to an old family run noodle shop.::..
“Are you kidding me?”
..:: Bruce I haven’t had
coffee yet. And—I don’t believe
I’m saying this but—whatever it is you got Tommy Pearl into over there, may
I remind you that it’s illegal and you don’t approve of that kind of thing?::..
“I don’t approve of Yakuza snatching cat burglars hired
by Demon either.”
..:: … ::..
..:: … ::..
..:: … ::..
..:: Bruce, you’re supposed
to, like, go to a titty bar.
Drink a lot of vodka. Maybe have
a stripper or something—::…
“Selina.”
..:: I know, I know, we’ll
never be like normal people and we can’t make sense of our relationship
using their standards… but there aren’t supposed to be demons and yakuza and
hot thieves auctioning stolen intel on Venezuela’s oil reserves.::..
“Excuse me?”
..:: Yeah, well, we sort of
took a break from spa treatments and went to the casino last night.
There was a private party upstairs that turned out to be more of a
Zanzibar marketplace to sell this… y’know what, never mind.
The Yakuza thing, there is a place in Ginza.::..
“A
hot thief you said.”
..:: Get off the grand
boulevards and promenades. From
Mitsukoshi, head up towards Armani, Dior, that place we stopped for candied
chestnuts, and duck down this opening beside some vending machines, I’m sure
Clark can find it. There’s a big
blue and white curtain covering a locked door with a buzzer.::..
“How hot is this
thief?”
..:: Ganbatte, darling.
I really need coffee before my massage.
Ciaomeow!::..
Clark and Dick reached room 319 just in time to see the
door open. They stared as two
Demon minions were marched out as prisoners, the one’s arms twisted behind
his back, wrists held high with the nerve torqued in a brutal sankyo by
Bruce. The other equally
compliant from a simple thumb lock courtesy of Edward Nigma.
“Oh God,” said Dick.
“What are you
doing?” asked Clark.
“Not here,” ordered Bruce.
The Demons were awkwardly turned and marched back inside—Eddie’s
prisoner followed by Eddie, Bruce’s prisoner followed by Bruce—leaving Clark
and Dick to look at each other for a moment, shrug, and then follow.
The full war council was delayed by a second earthquake
several seconds longer and a Richter point higher than the first—which
cemented a truce among everyone present except Clark, who had run for the
bathroom, presumably to vomit, and who looked frantically uncomfortable with
the situation when he returned.
With exquisite condescension Eddie signaled Dick to keep an eye on Fifth
Fang (who, truce or not, he considered his responsibility) and he led Clark
aside and argued with surprising insight for the leads a talented Daily
Planet reporter would have as a result: Tokyo underworld, Tokyo real estate,
Japanese superstition and the financial markets, Demon… Because let’s face
it, that wife of his has a tendency to lap him.
As a reporter and a writer, Clark Kent, the author of Strange
Bedfellows and the guy who arguably took down the Luthor administration
singlehanded, generally came out looking less brilliant than he might at
another paper out of her shadow.
And she was now, at this very moment, with Selina and Selina’s friends on
Jumby Island doing who knows what—
Bruce’s ears perked up at that, and Eddie moved them
farther away and whispered intently that Clark really should snap up
whatever opportunities Tokyo-with-Bruce-Wayne handed him.
Clark allowed himself to be persuaded, and when the
pair finally returned to the group, information was pooled and equipment
inventoried: the Demons each had grappling hooks and an assortment of hidden
blades, shuriken and a syringe, while Eddie had lock picks and an app with
real-time listings and a GPS locator for whatever stores were open in a
given square mile of Tokyo, indexed by the type of merchandise offered.
And everyone had bone-conduction mic-earpieces they pretended were
run-of-the-mill accessories for their smart phones.
Bruce considered it all, as well as the sophisticated burglary tools
Jaxon had left behind, and then he looked over his companions: Clark, Dick…
Nigma… and the Demons.
“Okay,” he said finally.
“Here’s what we’re going to do.”
Six men in cheap, plastic Tengu masks synchronized
identical diving watches in a dark corner of a Ginza parking garage.
The group then split up, two going back towards the convenience store
that sold the masks, two south towards a Pokka Sapporo vending machine, and
two taking the stairs straight up.
The last pair took a position on the roof of a camera
store.
“So even
Americans know that guards watch windows and doors,” said Second Fang.
“And if the roof is nothing but plywood and asphalt tiles, it’s a
quick, easy way in for anyone with a saw blade and drill to make a hole.
Insert a small mirror to look around.
Add a few ounces of C4 on the brackets holding the door and this
would be a two minute job.”
“Luckily, you don’t have any of that,” Clark said,
keeping his disapproval low-key. “Saves us having to talk you out of using
it. It would be too much of a
risk damaging the Masakado head.” Though he mentally added
‘Not to mention the people inside.’
The first pair were crouched behind a parked car on a
side street, mixing a strange concoction.
“Olive oil and cheap motor oil,” Eddie said happily.
“The poor man’s Ethan Hunt diversion.
Low smoke point, smelly automotive odor.
What do you call a spanking good way to get everyone’s attention
without sending them running for their lives?”
Fifth Fang studied him.
“Yes, but what are you doing here?” he asked
suspiciously. “Shouldn’t you be
at home securing Gotham? Your
great enemy is…” he trailed off then said “Is this not the time?”
“That’s my business,” Eddie said in a casual sing-song,
never lifting his eyes from his work.
“You know how to hotwire a car, don’t you?
I mean, you’re not so high up in the super-demon-ninja
ultra-elite-assassin hierarchy that you’ve forgotten the basics, right?”
“I can hotwire the automobile,” Fifth said, coating
each syllable with contempt.
“Great,” Eddie said, producing a toothbrush.
“Then as soon as I get the exhaust pipe coated with this, we’ll be
ready to go.”
The final pair found the blue and white curtain Selina
described.
“Tengu masks, really?” Bruce complained, and Dick
shrugged.
“They are masks.
I figured we’d have to improvise something with bandanas and
sunglasses, wind up looking like a gang of biker-pirates.”
Behind the red, knob-nosed Tengu face, Bruce glowered…
The Roof Team fired the Demons’ grappling hooks to a
lower roof and rappelled down one-handed, one like a Special Forces operative
trained to keep a hand free to hold a machine gun; the other like a man who
could fly and was only using the rope to fit in.
The Car Team finished coating the exhaust pipe.
The Curtain Team swabbed the syringe with alcohol.
The Roof Team bored through the ceiling and inserted a
small mirror.
The Car Team started the engine and walked quickly but
unobtrusively away from the car and towards a particular alley.
The Roof Team reported three guards on the top floor,
two windows, and no sign of a safe or vault.
Bruce acknowledged the report and rang the buzzer.
In seconds, the intercom crackled.
“Car! Your car is on fire,” he said anxiously in
Japanese. “You need to get down
here! It’s on fire! Pouring out
smoke!”
There were anxious voices on the intercom.
From their vantage point in the alley, the Car Team reported a man
looking out the window. In
seconds he came running out the door, where Bruce seized him and shoved,
Dick twisted him into a choke hold and let him feel the bite of the syringe
at his neck. His imagination
would do the rest, and Dick released him with a lighter shove against the
wall. Again Bruce spoke in
Japanese:
“You’ve just been injected with three ccs of benzanine
methylchlorate. You’ll be dead
in five hours without the antidote, which I have right here.”
He gestured with a breath mint.
“The first tablet can be yours in ten minutes if you cooperate.
Not enough on its own, but it will slow the poison down, buy you
another twelve hours. Plenty of
time to make it to ten o’clock tomorrow when—as long as we don’t run into
trouble after we leave here—I’ll come back and give you the second pill.
You understand?”
The fence nodded vigorously, and Bruce and Dick marched
him back inside.
On the roof, Clark scanned for the alarm box, wires and
radio waves. Identifying the
alarm proper and the point where it interfaced with the phone line, he
stumbled, drawing Second Fang’s attention as he clumsily righted himself.
Second congratulated himself for finding it so quickly and went to
work with Jaxon’s polystyrene, the fast-expanding fire foam filling the box
and silencing it. While he was
busy, Clark picked up a chunk of asphalt tile and palmed it—and he listened.
Two floors down, he heard the fence returning to his home with Bruce
and Dick in tow. He called off
the guards in what was certainly a coded message, and Clark kept his eyes
peeled for any sign of a silent alarm attempting to call out.
When the moment came, he tossed the asphalt, drawing Second Fang’s
attention away from the wire box and watched—sensing the invisible surge, he
shot a quick beam into the wires, frying the attempt to call out and then
directing a puff of cold before the smell of sizzling wires could be
noticed.
Downstairs Bruce was getting answers, none of them
good:
War was coming to the Yakuza.
A large faction of over 2,000 had splintered from the main syndicate
and formed a rival outfit in the Kansai region west of Tokyo.
They complained about profits being squeezed, high membership fees,
and the boss favoring his own faction.
The old cash cows like loan-sharking, drugs and protection weren’t
paying like they used to, and the Yakuza were moving into financial crimes:
corporate takeovers, financial fraud, insider trading… It made the prospect
of this burglary in Ōtemachi very appealing.
Yes, they were expecting a
corporate prize not a samurai head, but the boss who heard about
it—a powerful wakagashira called Nakamura—wasn’t disappointed.
“Because this war is coming, and the battleground is
going to be Tokyo. This head is
a powerful symbol to possess.
Many Yakuza trace their roots back to the 17th Century samurai warriors…”
The fact that a bloody mob war raging across the city
was exactly the kind of destruction the head was known to bring didn’t seem
to bother him. And then it got
worse—
“This Australian can’t be allowed to go home,” the
fence was saying. “It
wasn’t my decision, you understand.
Came from high up. ‘Send
a message.’ Usually a body goes
into the foundation of a building; never found.
This Jaxon, they want to be found.
They are going to arrange for him to ‘fall’ free climbing in his
gear.”
What Second Fang saw was no longer important, and Clark
scanned the horizon in all directions—suddenly and inexplicably transformed
into a hyper-alert lookout—while in reality looking much farther and
processing more detail than a squad of lookouts with thermal- telescopic-
and alternate-spectrum scopes.
“What’s that?” Bruce’s voice asked sharply—and Clark
didn’t have to look through the roof and ceiling to know it was a cue: Bruce
would be looking up, drawing everyone’s attention to the ceiling and giving
him the opening he needed.
“They’ve heard us, we have to go!” Clark cried,
dragging Second by the back of his shirt and ‘running’ to the edge of the
roof just fast enough that the Demon’s feet lost touch with the surface.
At the roof’s edge he shoved/dropped Second Fang to the fire escape
and shot straight up into the air too fast for human eyes to process.
From a high vantage point, he continued to scan—two—three—five
seconds before he spotted them.
Back in Ōtemachi—
Four men on a roof, three hustling a fourth to the
edge. He was begging.
Superman could hear him as he flew towards the scene—two held him
while the third hit him hard—he went semi-limp and the begging stopped for
several beats—then he was screaming—and then—
Then he was clawing wildly at Superman’s arm—trying to
gain purchase before he processed what was— happening.
He— He wasn’t falling anymore.
He wasn’t falling anymore.
He was—
Superman.
Up.
Superman caught him.
He wasn’t falling anymore, Superman caught him and they were going
back up!
“I know none of us approve of thieves, but I don’t
think you gentlemen are legitimate law enforcement,” Superman said when they
landed back on the roof.
No one used the word ‘coward’ when Clark caught up with
the group. Eddie had seen enough
movies where the bad guy gets squirrely and shoots up a ceiling, and the
Demon Fangs knew how often assassins really did come in that way.
Shooting up a ceiling was the thing to do if you suspected something,
and so Clark’s fear of being shot, given where he was and what he heard, was
perfectly valid as far as they were concerned.
The prospect of
continuing this misadventure burdened with excitable civilians, however,
that was a lot to ask. They
didn’t want to perish in an earthquake, but if local gangsters wanted to go
at each other with grenades and machine guns after they’d left, or for that
matter, if they wanted to commission motorcycle gangs to attack third
parties with baseball bats, well, that was none of Demon’s business.
Unless it happened to create an instability that the Demon’s Head
could take advantage of, which was probably why Ra’s al Ghul wanted to
acquire the head in the first place.
So the Demons were ready to go—
In the interests of prolonging the truce for a few more
hours, Eddie proposed that the two Fangs go back to partnering each other.
That way they would have a partner with all the same training and the
same fashion sense, and the same obvious devotion to a moldy old head that
hadn’t been used for thinking for several hundred years… at which point he’d
maneuvered Fifth Fang to step back into the same puddle Second was standing
in. His fist was suddenly
swinging at Fifth as if to stab him in the throat, when the taser he held in
place of the knife took down both men in 1.4 seconds of jaw-droppingly
brutal efficiency.
“Forgot I had this,” Eddie said with a happy smile,
waving the taser like a toy wand.
And then, noticing the stares from the heroes he added “Oh like you
guys didn’t hold anything back during Inventory Share Time.”
When he still got no reaction, he continued “I say put ‘em in the
back of that van and we get going on this Nakamura thing, and pray it’s the
endgame. Every hour this goes on
is cutting into my electronics shopping in the morning.”
More stares.
“Morning,” he said enthusiastically.
“Reward for living through the night, nature’s way of saying ‘Sunrise
Achievement Unlocked.’ I don’t
know about you, I am flying out tomorrow, assuming we put the tsunami cork
back in the bottle, and before that happens I’m going shopping for—”
“Nigma, what are you talking about?” sputtered Dick.
“Why are you strutting like it’s all downhill from here.”
“You got the guy’s name, kid.
Nakamura. In Tokyo that’s
all you need. Yakuza are more
open than Rogues about who they are and where they live.
They carry business cards.
They’re in the telephone directory.
Offices with a little brass nameplate on the door reading
‘Sumiyoshi-kai.’ Sure, there’s a
big sumo-size guy on the door, but it’s not like
that’s going to be a problem with this crowd, right?”
The ‘endgame’ at Nakamura’s wasn’t quite as effortless
as Nigma predicted, but it was close.
He was only a few streets away in another Ginza back street, and as
predicted, the name of the boss’s Yakuza clan was displayed boldly on the
door. A synchronized effort coming in
through the roof, the trash disposal and the sewers rendered the sumo-sized
doorman moot. A second trip to
the convenience store had supplied a broom, a block of styrofoam, electrical
tape and hairspray, which thwarted almost a million dollars worth of thermal
cameras, motion detectors, and a light sensor so sensitive it could detect
the glow of an uncovered watch.
“That motion sensor won’t see anything move for weeks,”
Eddie giggled, offering Bruce a high five which he scowled at and then
hesitated. “C’mon,” Eddie
gestured at the at the block of styrofoam on a broomstick, then at the tape
on his watch. “We just beat
almost a million dollars worth of security with an $18 trip to the 7-Eleven.
The girls would be proud.”
Bruce completed the high-five with a reluctant smile,
then said “Let’s not tell them.
There’s a WayneTech R&D lab in Oregon with a security set up very much like
this. It would kill Selina if
she knew.”
“Then we shall not speak of it,” Eddie said.
“Lips sealed or Ad Ellipses, you might say.”
A more elaborate five-and-fist bump followed that might have been the
secret handshake of men bedding world-class cat burglars.
Dick and Clark merely looked at each other, confusion and shock
competing with shock and confusion, as Eddie and Bruce considered the
fingerprint pad on the door to Nakamura’s private office.
“Got the Silly Putty?” Eddie asked casually.
“The silicone polymer,” Bruce
graveled, pulling a wad of the stuff he’d taken from Jaxon’s kit at the
hotel.
“People never wipe off the scanner
after they’ve used it,” Eddie explained as Bruce applied the putty to the
lens like a pro. “So there’s
usually a beautiful print sitting there right on the glass.”
On cue, there was a click and the door unlatched.
Again, the men married to non-cat burglars looked at each other, then
Clark signaled for Dick to keep Nigma distracted while he surreptitiously
approached the safe.
There was no time for Bruce or Nigma to cold-crack
it—if they even could without special equipment, where all Clark had to do
was look through the door and watch the cylinders as he turned the dial.
Quickly determining that the combination was 19-14-33-81, he
scribbled it on a slip of paper and left it in the desk drawer which would
be the first place the others would look…
An hour later, they waited in Ami’s office in the same
sleek high-rise as the hotel where they’d met her.
Bruce and Dick, Nigma and Clark, Second Fang, Fifth,
and Jaxon Valdorcia had all filed into the Taiyōsama offices approximately
an hour before dawn with the head of Taira no Masakado in an ancient iron
and lacquer box. A savvy
business woman, Ami quite understood Bruce Wayne’s desire to keep up the
illusion that he was in Dubai, and she readily agreed to deal with the
police on their behalf. A
prominent figure in Ōtemachi, she could turn over the head, with or without
the thief and the ninja cult that hired him, and tell whatever story she
liked. The police would make do
because they knew it was all they were going to get.
She had sent all but Jaxon to an inner office while she
received the officers. Bruce,
Clark and Dick had settled on the right side of the room, Eddie and the
Fangs on the left. But then
Fifth Fang took out a shuriken, apparently using it to clean under his
fingernail while studying Eddie.
His eyes drifting from pocket to pocket until they settled on the crinkle of
fabric that revealed where he hid the taser.
Eddie edged silently to the heroes’ side of the room and smiled at
Clark amiably.
“So… Metropolis…” he said, doing his best imitation of
henchmen standing around talking sports.
“How about those Meteors.”
The door opened, Mrs. Ami said the coast was clear, and
everyone returned to the outer office to see that both Jaxon and the head
were gone.
Ami dismissed Bruce’s thanks with vague amusement,
repeating that she was sympathetic to his situation but it wasn’t her only
reason for dealing with the police herself.
“A gang of Americans could only raise the profile of
the situation, not really what we want to calm the markets and forestall
economic chaos.”
Her eyes then fell on Fifth Fang who didn’t hide his
sneer when she mentioned Americans.
“I will see the two of you next,” she said, the
slightest edge in her tone as she pointed the way to the inner office where
they’d all waited before.
The Demons filed in as instructed, and an awkward
silence descended among those left behind.
Eddie looked around the beautifully appointed corner office.
“This is nice,” he observed.
The washi screens, the pinewood floor and tatami rug, the kind of
less-is-more the Japanese do like no one else.
The footprint was larger than Jaxon’s room in the hotel, but it had a
similar layout and view—though as a corner it had
two walls of windows, so the panoramic view of Tokyo was extended
into the east where the sky was quickly easing from pre-dawn purple into a
light lavender-orange-gold.
Clark giggled suddenly and clutched the edge of a table
subtly as if to steady himself.
“Whoa,” he said, the hoarse rasp in his voice
associated with marijuana.
Bruce turned, expecting to make eye-contact for the
silent communication often engaged in between partners.
Instead he saw only a deep flush and a goofy smile on his friend’s
face. Before he could comment,
his attention—and everyone’s—was drawn to the door to that inner office.
A new voice could now be heard from behind it—familiar in that it was
female and must be Mrs. Ami, but intensely commanding unlike anything they’d
heard before now, and completely at odds with her gracious, charm.
It was also…
“What is she
saying?” Bruce murmured.
…speaking some sort of ancient dialect barely
recognizable as the Japanese he knew.
Bruce took a step towards the door, presumably to hear better, when—
“There he goes,” Clark laughed.
“C’mon, Bruce, give it a rest.
I know you like to stick your nose in everyone’s business, but your
quiet, no-drama bachelor party turned into a hunt for the Samurai Headless
Horseman. Accept that the plan
has gone a-wry.”
“Are you drunk?”
Dick asked.
“I think I might be, just a little,” Clark said, a
slight roll as his head turned to Dick.
“It’s been a long night for someone like him,” Eddie
said kindly.
“Will you all be quiet?” Bruce hissed, trying to make
sense of the bits and pieces he was getting through the door—when the whole
room flashed with a blinding flare of solar energy and the Demons behind the
door began screaming their heads off.
The commanding voice continued over them for another few sentences,
and then…
Silence.
The door opened.
Fifth Fang and Second filed out numbly.
They didn’t look at anyone, or speak, as they passed through the
outer office and made their way out the door.
“Um,” Dick managed.
Clark did his best drunk-trying-to-look-sober while
Eddie eyed Bruce expectantly.
“Well?” he prompted.
“What little I got can be summed up as ‘Go tell your
little fake god that he’s been beneath the attention of the real ones until
now. If he so much as
contemplates sushi for lunch in the next five hundred years, we’ll know.
Sayonara now.’”
“In Rao’s name,” Clark said.
“You’re closer than you think,” Bruce replied, turning
to the door to the inner office, which remained open.
He took a tentative step towards it, and the others followed.
Mrs. Ami looked precisely as she had before except that
her previously pink and red suit was now a solid, dazzling white.
“Gentlemen,” Bruce said solemnly, “I introduce you to
Amaterasu-ōmikami, the Shinto goddess of the sun.”
“I have many names, Wayne-san.
I am Hae-nim in Korea, Xihe in most of China.
Here in Japan, yes, Amaterasu, and the Imperial Family are my
children. You might say Japan is
as well. What mother wouldn’t
keep watch when a child is in peril.
You gentlemen have been very helpful.”
Then to Bruce she added in that ancient Japanese dialect, “But then
you take these false demons as your special burden, do you not?”
“If I understand you,” Bruce said, clearly struggling
with the strange dialect, “I didn’t track them here.
It was only chance that we got involved in this.”
“Modern minds and western minds,” Amaterasu laughed.
“You know just enough—you’ve learned to
see just enough—that you think
what you can’t see isn’t there.”
She glanced up at Clark, and continued in English.
“There are always connections.
That’s why it troubled me, all this…
finance growing up around Masakado
when the Bay receded.”
“You don’t approve of big business?” Clark asked, a
reporter asking the obvious follow-up.
“It’s fine for buying a fish,” she said, smiling.
“You walk away with your dinner, the fisherman walks away with his money.
A fine alternative to violence for distributing this world’s
resources, I approve entirely.”
“But?” Bruce prompted.
“But. The
transactional mentality, debits and credits...
You believe that you borrow, you pay back and it’s done.
You wrong someone, you apologize and it’s done; do harm, you make it
right and the matter is finished.”
She shook her head sadly.
“But there are always connections you don’t see,” she
looked down at Clark’s hand, and looked as though she was about to say
something about it, then changed her mind.
Instead she said “Drink water from a well and it becomes a part of
you, always. These bodies of
yours are composed of little else, the particles of you before you drank
intermingle with the particles of the water itself.
They become one and the same.
Honor the spirit of the well you draw from, that honor becomes part
of you.
Offend the spirit of the well, the
offense will always be with you.
“The grievances of the onryo cannot be paid off like a
bond at six percent interest.
They are always with us. The
debt is.”
She considered each man, and seeing only confusion in
their eyes, she moved on.
“But tonight the four of you shouldered the burden.
Allow me to offer a token of thanks.”
She presented Clark, Eddie and Dick with a piece of
metal she called “menuki,” the decorative ornaments woven under the
handle-wrapping of a katana. She
intimated that they were from the sword of a samurai who had done her a
particular service, and each was etched with a sun and sun-dragon.
She held a fourth, but rather than handing it to Bruce, she gestured
with a playful twinkle that almost resembled Catwoman teasing him back in
the day.
“Walk with me,” she said, stepping towards the door.
He followed and when they were out of earshot for all
but Clark she said “So, Wayne-san.
Your ‘last night of freedom’ (that is the phrase, is it not?) before
beginning a new phase of your life, and you managed to spend it apprehending
a cat burglar. Jaxon Valdorcia.
Skilled in the art of thievery, but not what I would call a person of
quality. Not like your charming
feline.”
“You know Selina?” he asked, nearly skipping a step.
“Many years ago she was employed by a Jason Blood to
recover some items I had given the Imperial Family that were taken for…
reasons best not delved into after tonight’s upheaval.
But I liked her. We
understood each other right away.
And she made me laugh.
“I teased her. Her
heart was so clearly spoken for, and she was so utterly unaware.
I said I would introduce her to Tsukuyomi, my brother.
Because of her name; he is god of the moon.
It was quite sweet, how she demurred.
Trying so hard to hide her complete lack of interest.
So you are her samurai of the shadows.”
“Um,” was the best Bruce could manage, and Amaterasu
laughed. Then she became quite
solemn as she looked him up and down:
“Fear, Justice… the avatar of a Bat.
Honor the spirit of the well you draw from, Wayne-san.” She handed
over the menuki, not like a Shinto goddess bestowing a token of thanks, but
like a Japanese business woman presenting her business card.
“I wish you joy, progeny worthy of your name, honor that lives on in
their memories and inspires generations to come.”
Bruce had pointed Clark and Dick to a café-bakery in
Akasaka that boasted “a taste of Gotham in Tokyo.”
He told them to try the American breakfast and said he’d catch up
with them in an hour for the trip home.
He allowed ten minutes for Clark to become fully occupied with his
pancakes, then made his way to the modest hotel where he knew Nigma would be
staying. Ordinarily, there would
be no question of Clark eavesdropping on something that was clearly none of
his business, but Bruce had seen Best Man mode reengage as soon as they were
free of Nigma, and it was best to be sure.
His timing was perfect, reaching the hotel just as
Nigma was checking out and intercepting him as soon as he stepped onto the
street.
“Well?” was
the minimalist greeting.
“Good morning,” Eddie said, as if setting an example
for someone unfamiliar with non-rogue/bat interaction.
“Good morning,” Bruce echoed, then resumed the deep
bat-gravel. “What did you do to Joker?”
Eddie sighed, and then pointed to a convenience store
where he was going for breakfast and began walking that way.
“Your instinct will be to hear this a certain way,
without context, and react. But
if you just wait and hear the whole thing, you’ll see it’s really the best
outcome possible. I semi-killed
him. Now don—”
“You what?”
“—flip out, it was temporary.
I took Victor’s—”
“Edward”
“—ice gun, which is not a precision weapon.
The recoil is something—”
“Nigma!”
“—fierce and it puts a weird spin on the spray, but the
ice balls are big enough that it doesn’t matter so—”
“Stop talking.”
“—much.
Still took like six shots to really get him in there.”
“Edward.”
“I know, I know, you’re impatient, I’ll skip to the
good part.”
“The good part?!”
“Point is, he was stone cold.
Dead for all intents and purposes.
And that’s where Demon comes in.
See it turns out something’s happened to Ra’s al Ghul, and as we saw
last night, the bozos running things while he’s gone aren’t exactly bright.
You see that story in the Gotham Post, ‘The War of Jokes and
Riddles’? That was me.”
He smiled proudly.
“I planted the story.
Little riff on the drama with Falcone, was all it took to convince them
I’m a homicidal maniac with such a
hate-on for Joker that I’d off
him—
“Temporarily!” Eddie squeaked, off the
completely indiscernible emotion in Bruce’s eyes.
The thought of the death of his hated
foe—of another actually doing what Bruce himself had surely wrestled with
doing but stepped back from time and time again.
Would it engender relief? Guilt?
Wrath?
Or a stormy mixture of all? Nigma
had riddled himself silently how many of those paths would lead to broken
bones, and now, faced with those unfathomable but definitely impassioned
eyes, he riddled again. Still,
he pressed on. So far, his legs
were unbroken and the only way was forward:
“It’s not like I ever considered
leaving him dead. Even
though it might be the best wedding present I could possibly give you kids,
I don’t want to wake up in the middle of the night with a murder-eyed Harley
hovering over me with a sledgehammer ready to reenact that scene from Misery
with a pair of starving hyenas thrown in for fun.”
Bruce closed his eyes, tipped his head forward, and
rubbed his temples. It looked
like progress, and Eddie continued:
“I had intermediaries pretending to be ‘Team Joker.’
They made contact with Demon, worked
their way up to the ‘Fangs’ and convinced them the best way they could stick
it to you was to plop Joker in the Lazarus Pit and bring him back.”
“And suppose they refused?”
“Brucie, I told you, they’re
dumb. That Demon crowd
are really, really dumb. You
think I can’t maneuver them to do whatever I want as easily as you do?”
“Go on.”
“This War of Jokes and Riddles made it perfectly
plausible that I had murdered Joker, and anyone with a rudimentary grasp of
the situation could see the best way to stick it to Batman was to make sure
it didn’t take. Joker is in the
Making-Batman-Miserable business, it’s a natural.
Demon droogies bought it and put him in the pit.”
“And?”
“And? What
do you think? The stuff makes
Ra’s crazier with every dip.
What was there a 99.974% chance it would do to Joker, maxed out on crazy
since Day One?”
Bruce closed his eyes, envisioning it.
“It made him
sane.”
“It made him sane!” Eddie crowed triumphantly.
“It’ll wear off, unfortunately, but for now he’s
curled up in a ball, just
paralyzed with horror at all the terrible things he’s done.
It’s great! Now, I know
you’re not going to say anything that sounds remotely like approval, but
trust me when I say it’s a sight to see and you would’ve enjoyed it.”
Bruce glared.
“Right, so, point is, he will not be showing up at the
wedding making a nuisance of himself.
You and I are even for that…
delay coming after me when Doris came back, and everything can go back
to the way it was.”
The angry glare hadn’t faded and for a moment another
ominous Bat-declaration seemed to hover on his lips, but something stopped
him. Instead, it was the voice
and manner of Bruce Wayne at the Empire Club feigning sympathy for a
colleague whose stock dropped a quarter point.
“Edward, she’s
invited you to the wedding.
Doris ‘made the cut’ and is with her right now on Jumby Island.
Back to the way it was isn’t in the cards for any of us.”
“I can dream,” Eddie said with a stubborn smile.
Then he glanced sideways at Bruce’s eyes which only moments ago
glared with the sinister Bat-intensity that was expected given the Joker
news. Eddie had planned for it,
was prepared to weather the storm—but he never expected the storm to pass as
quickly as this.
Back to the way
it was isn’t in the cards for any of us…
Yeah, okay, but he’d
killed Joker—temporarily but
still. He had hoped after the
initial outburst Bruce would calm down and take the gift in the spirit it
was intended, but he didn’t realistically expect him to calm down as
quickly as this!
“Speaking of Jumby Island, Edward, apparently between
spa treatments and ceviche they’re doing something with, ahem, ‘a hot
thief.’ If you find out what, I
would appreciate a detailed report.”
“Y-yeah,” said Eddie, thinking this was the weirdest
riddle he’d ever come across.
“Will do.”
Gracious Lady,
This mission has been the gratifying event of my life.
I am beholden to you that your dealings with Ra’s al Ghul (may He
walk always in the shadow of the Dragon) have been of such estimable quality
that your marriage has prompted this gift.
It is my hope
this union brings joy to yourself and to Him whose name must not be spoken.
Pikhai,
Oleologist and Axe-thrower, Galata 4th
© 2018